Glimpses of Strangeness
by rewind gone nuts
Summary: Assorted oneshots, crackshots, drabbles, dabbles and other non-serial material, all Ranma 1/2 related.
1. Gargle Blasters

**Glimpses of Strangeness**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** I decided that this oneshot has the sheer "randomness" factor to make it a good start for this new anthology. As I mentioned in "The Unwritten Tales", I've come to the conclusion that "Random Tales" really deserved to be broken in half; one for the serial seeds, one for all the other stuff. So, here it is. For the curious, all of the cocktails and mixes mentioned in this oneshot are **real**. Yes, people actually do drink tequila and Tabasco, or grain alcohol and pepper spray.

Gargle Blasters

The Tendo household was particularly noisy today, but unlike most such times, it wasn't due to combat. The sounds echoing out of the antique, surprisingly large homestead were of a pleasant, friendly nature, as opposed to the more usual battle cries, death threats, angry screams, and the sounds of destruction. Today was Ranma Saotome's 17th birthday, and he was celebrating with all of his friends and acquaintances. Naturally, all of the girls who considered themselves engaged to him had shown up to congratulate him, but fortunately for Ranma, Akane had decided to be magnanimous on his special day and tolerated them, though she couldn't help but fume at the way Kodachi, Shampoo and Ukyo would eagerly press themselves against Ranma if they got the chance, and their subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) hints that they would be willing to give him much **more** then mere gifts in celebration...

Ranma was actually rather surprised by all of this fuss, not used to making such a big deal out of his birthday, but took it as gracefully as he could. Admittedly, he avoided coming off as smug or gloating more due to being overwhelmed then anything. One thing that particularly surprised him was the fact that not just all of the girls had shown up, but all of the boys, as well. Kuno... well, all right, Kuno was obviously here simply to hang around Akane and keep his lecherous eye out for the Pigtailed Girl, for all his pretty talk of graciousness towards rivals. Mousse had tagged along to make sure that "Ranma didn't try anything with Shampoo", and had been allowed to stay only with the solemn understanding that if he caused this to get out of hand, not just Shampoo but Kodachi and Ukyo as well would **all** make him pay for it. The idea of receiving a three-fold beating, and from one girl infamous throughout the district for being of unstable mind, had made Mousse nervously give his solemn vow that he would behave himself. Perhaps the greatest surprise to Ranma had been Ryoga, who had gruffly thrust him a battered-looking gift and then insisted that he wouldn't challenge Ranma for another week. It was almost as though the Eternally Lost Boy was actually trying, in his own way, to genuinely celebrate Ranma's birthday... nah; couldn't be.

Everything was going well until Genma brought out the sake. After taking one sip, Ranma started coughing and patted his chest, "Geez pop, did you have to bring out the cheap stuff?"

Genma looked faintly offended. "We can't always be connoisseurs of alcohol like you and those cocktails of yours son."

Intrigued by the comment, Nabiki spoke up from where she was sipping on the sake brought out for the celebration. "Cocktails? I didn't know you mixed drinks Ranma." She wasn't disappointed in Ranma's natural reaction as he nodded with a smug look.

"Yep, I can mix just about any cocktail that was ever made, and not just the ones you can buy in a bar either, I know how to make some stuff that can floor a normal person in one shot." Almost immediately he was met with skepticism, mostly from Ryoga who couldn't hold back a scoff, earning a glare as Ranma straightened with a smile, "Don't believe me huh? All right, wait here and I'll be right back."

Without another word he got to his feet and was out the door, leaving a confused group and Genma shaking his head. "Now you've done it."

A second later he poked his head back into the living room, "Um, any chance you could...? I'll toss in the good stuff in return"

Genma nodded and as he was searching for his wallet, a familiar wizened voice piped up.

"Any chance of me getting the good stuff too?"

Everyone groaned as Happosai made his appearance.

"Well, what's the big occasion?" He ignored the kowtowing Genma in favor of staring at Ranma, who shrugged.

"It's my birthday, and I'm going to get some stuff to make some cocktails for these guys."

Happosai blinked. "You can mix drinks?" The incredulity was obvious as Ranma nodded.

"Pops would get bored with beer and sake and straight liquor, so he made learn how to mix drinks on the road. First drink I made for him was a Backdraft."

Happosai looked slightly impressed, "That's not too bad, but do you know anything harder?"

Ranma shrugged. "Made a Green Bird once, but Pops made me promise never to make that again."

**Now** Happosai was impressed; he immediately fished out a huge wad of yen notes and tossed them and Genma's wallet to the teen.

"Here, and make sure that you get the stuff needed for the really hard mixes, the ones that can knock a man out for days, you know what I mean."

Ranma smiled and vanished out the door as Happosai rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

Meanwhile, Genma looked concerned. "Uh Master, are you sure about this? The boy does know some very powerful mixes and you gave him a lot of money..."

Happosai waved it off. "If you're going to have a party with drinks, then it pays to go all out."

It was a half hour before Ranma came back, and the various teens goggled at the sight of the boxes and small crates he had with him while Happosai and Genma both smiled in appreciation as the old pervert looked over some of the items, whistling in appreciation at a small group of sake bottles. "Habu Sake? Damn boy, your father wasn't kidding about knowing your brews. I'll take a serving of this if you don't mind."

Ranma shrugged and started setting up everything into an orderly arrangement before grabbing a few bottles and several shot glasses, set them on a tray and began filling them. "Might as well start strong, eh pops?"

Genma nodded upon recognizing the order the drinks had been poured and carefully took the tray as Ranma turned to Soun nearby, "I know just the thing to start you off Tendo-san." He pulled out a bottle of rum, two bottles of different whiskey and a bottle of expensive looking tequila and started pouring. Seconds later, Soun was running upstairs and Ranma shrugged. "Huh, didn't think that would happen so quickly."

Nabiki finally gathered enough of her wits to give in to her curiosity, especially after seeing Happosai and Genma starting to sing. "Okay Ranma, what the hell was so special about those drinks?"

"Those? Nothing special, I'm just getting warmed up."

"Oh, really?" Nabiki asked leisurely, lifting an eyebrow.

"Yeah, really. Some of the things I can make are pretty potent." Ranma replied levelly. "What, you want me to mix you up something?"

"Why not, birthday boy?" Nabiki shrugged, and grinned wickedly, the various fiancées bristling at Ranma's "flirting".

Ranma stared at her hard for a moment, then turned to his ingredients and gathered them up before heading to the kitchen. It had to be said that Ranma didn't particularly like Nabiki, so that was probably why he took the steps he subsequently took. When Ranma came out, looking surprisingly deadpan for him, and gently placed a glass of what looked pretty much like cloudy water on the table in front of Nabiki and smirked at her, none of the other teens had any idea what he was thinking.

"Here you are, one glass of Strawberry Surprise. Don't gulp it - I **said don't gulp it!**" He shouted, but too late, as Nabiki took a good swallow and then stared at him smugly... for all of two seconds, tops, before her eyes bugged out and she started screaming like a banshee, clutching desperately at her throat as the others stumbled over themselves in confused surprise. Ranma, the only one **not** taken aback by this, promptly shot forward and practically threw her out into the garden, instants before Nabiki stopped screaming... because it's not physically possible to scream and vomit at the same time. He shook his head sadly. "I warned you." Was all he would say.

"That was a rotten thing to do, Ranma." Akane reprimanded him, though she honestly didn't sound too upset. Truth be told, seeing her gadfly of an elder sister come off with the short handle for once was actually kind of amusing.

"How is that my fault?" The confused heir to the Saotome School asked.

"She's right, you know. Even if Nabiki can be a little naughty to you sometimes, there's no call to spike her drink." Kasumi chided.

At that, Ranma looked offended. "I did no such thing! You can't just throw these drinks back like soda, y'know!" At that, he grabbed the still half-full, more or less, glass and raised it to his lips. As they watched, he drained it in a long, steady draught; once the glass was empty, he blinked a few times, tears glittering as they rolled down his face, and coughed twice, but spoke to them with a voice that sounded more or less normal. "Y' see?" He asked.

"...So what the hell was in that?" Nabiki half-croaked, half-squeaked, tears running down her face and wiping her lips off.

"Strawberry Surprise. Grain alcohol cut with pepper spray." Ranma replied casually.

**"Pepper spray!"** Was the unanimous uproar.

"Yep, I don't serve it often, just when someone acts too full of themselves." Ranma sent a glance to Nabiki, who responded with a growl, while Ukyo recovered her wits enough to realize something.

"Hey wait a minute! Why the heck is it called Strawberry Surprise if its made from grain alcohol and pepper spray?"

Ranma simply smiled slightly. "Way I always heard it, the surprise is that it tastes nothing like strawberries and everything like pain." He sat down and started pouring refills for Genma, "It's not the most potent thing I can mix, but it is a good way to introduce people to them, like the fact that the old lech is drinking sake with a dead Sakishima Habu in it, and pops is drinking a combination of shots that has killed about forty people or so who didn't know when to stop drinking. Still, I can guarantee that if you're brave enough to try these, you won't regret it." He started spinning a bottle of tequila in his hand, "So, anyone up for a real drink?"

The others fell silent; none of them were what you would call drinkers, maybe a glass of cheap sake on very special occasions, but Ranma's challenge had struck the most vulnerable spot of his associates: their ego. Perhaps not surprisingly, it was Tatewaki Kuno who spoke first.

"Very well, if it is to test our mettle you're aiming, then I, the Blue Thunder, the resident paragon of masculinity (this declaration was met with scornful looks by all and sundry, not that Kuno paid any attention), shall step up to the challenge and defeat you soundly! Bring forth your potions; I fear not what you may brew up in your witching cauldron!"

"But we don't have a cauldron." Kasumi softly pointed out.

"Ignore him, sis, spare your braincells." Akane muttered.

"One Prairie Fire, coming up." Ranma said with a darkly enthusiastic grin, disappearing back into the kitchen. Moments later, he returned with three glasses and a big jar of milk.

"What's that for?" Ryoga asked.

"You three will probably need this. Prairie Fire's got a nasty sting." Ranma replied, leaving Ryoga and Mousse wondering why he was acting as though **they** were stupid enough to drink his concoction. Placing the jar and the other two glasses on the table, he slid the third over to Kuno, who still looked confident as ever. "Enjoy your drink." Ranma grinned.

Boldly, seeming to revel in the way everyone, even the still-wincing, pained looking Nabiki, was watching him closely, Kuno raised the glass to his lips. He didn't gulp it the way Nabiki had, he had more sense then that, but he unhesitatingly took a deep draught and then placed the glass back on the table, giving Ranma a triumphant grin. Said grin faltered maybe a heartbeat later, Kuno's eyes growing wide as the nerves on his tongue/throat began making their sensory deliveries, the alcohol going from mouth to bloodstream with practically no time in the stomach. Beads of sweat broke out all over his face, which in turn began to redden, Kuno's mouth dropping open - not to scream, as one might have thought, or even to speak, simply panting for a few moments. He wavered visibly from side to side, and then keeled over dramatically, hitting the floor with all of his back at once.

"Well, that's no surprise. He always was all talk." Nabiki croaked, throat still not recovered from her Strawberry Surprise.

"And Prairie Fire is...?" Akane asked.

"Tequila and a shot of tabasco. That's Western hot sauce." Ranma added in explanation.

"We know what tabasco is." Everyone promptly chorused. "I never thought I'd say this, but I actually feel kind of sorry for Kuno." Akane added in afterthought.

"Eh, knowing him, he'll be just fine in a minute. So, what about you two? You gonna drink up?" Ranma asked.

"Do I look like I just fell off the turnip truck?" Ryoga asked incredulously.

"Yeah, why on earth would we drink that toxic waste?" Mousse added for emphasis.

Ranma shrugged. "So, you're okay with the idea of Kuno boasting that he's the manliest of you, as he was the only one with the balls to actually try it?"

The reaction was almost instantaneous as the girls, even Kasumi strangely, giggled at the comment as the two teens blanched at the thoughts running through their heads.

Inside Ryoga's head he could see Kuno sitting on a magnificent throne surrounded by girls with him groveling at his feet, the samurai-wannabe taunting him for his lack of courage... and there was Akane, and she was serving Kuno a glass of that stuff and Kuno was downing it confidentially, making all the girls swoon. And there was Ranma in a fancy bartender's uniform standing behind a nearby bar and saying, with a bad faux-British accent, "I think you'd be better off with water, Ryoga old pal; you can't handle the hard stuff like Kuno can." Internally Ryoga was screaming with disbelief, but externally he was gritting his teeth.

Mousse's mind wasn't any calmer; he was a proud warrior and here he was shying away from a concoction that Kuno, of all people, had not only drunk but done so without a moment of hesitation. He was humiliating himself in front of his beloved Shampoo! The wannabe samurai of all people was more of a man than him? Never!

Ranma wondered why he was seeing smoke coming out of Mousse's ears, then decided he didn't care.

As one, their hands shot out and seized the waiting glasses, the two teens draining them and then slamming them down in synchronicity. Their heads were down, their eyes squeezed shut, as Ranma wordlessly began filling three fresh glasses with milk from the jug. As one their heads shot up, eyes widening and the corners of their mouths trembling as the burning began. Muscles visibly tightened at the pain, each looking longingly at the glasses of milk and the relief from the searing of their tongues and throats and lips, but neither moved; they would not be deemed unmanly in the eyes of the girl they respectively admired, they would not! ...Oh, to hell with pride, this hurt! Gimme! The girls all burst out laughing as Ryoga and Mousse both sucked and slobbered frantically as they gulped down the cooling fluid, sighing audibly in relief as the dairy product quenched the fire within.

"A little too hot for you?" Ranma joked.

"Just... just shut up." Mousse panted.

"No... it's actually pretty mild..." Ryoga lied as best he could with his tongue feeling numb and his brain feeling clouded.

"Oh? If that's the case, I'll fix you up with a Wildfire Roulette then." Ranma replied, disappearing back into the kitchen with the tequila glasses before Ryoga could say anything.

"Don't expect me to pull your ass out of the fire this time, dimwit." Mousse promptly told him, just as Ranma came back with three newly filled glasses and put them down in front of Ryoga, who stared at them as though they were three venomous snakes.

"Two of these glasses contain Prairie Fires." Ranma stated.

"And the third glass?" Ryoga asked, unable to see any difference in the dark liquids.

"Also contains a Prairie Fire... with a triple dose of tabasco." Ranma grinned.

"Shampoo want in as well! No fun just watching, too-too boring!"

Ranma smiled as the Chinese girl moved forward, before snapping his fingers. "Got just the thing for you, be right back." He walked into the kitchen and after a few moments came back with a glass of clear liquid that had a slight oily tinge to it as he set it down, "Here you go, one Chuck Norris."

Shampoo glanced at it suspiciously.

Ranma chuckled at the glance, "You'll find out once you drink. But lets see who wins the contest first eh?" Everyone turned their attention to Ryoga and Mousse, who were still staring at the three dark cocktails in front of them with some trepidation, before Ryoga grabbed a glass and Mousse followed suit. The room went silent as everyone watched, even Happosai and Genma were focused on the pair as they took a breath, and drank.

The silence was broken by a scream as Mousse dove for the milk and started chugging, the room bursting out in laughter as Ranma checked the glass, "And you want to know the funny thing, this wasn't the one with triple tabasco in it, it was Ryoga's."

Even as the Lost Boy held up his arms in victory, he was burning from the mix as he too started chugging, managing to smile as everyone patted him on the back in congratulations, before Ranma turned back to Shampoo, "Well, time to face Chuck Norris, drink up Shampoo."

Shampoo nodded and with a determined look, drank the clear liquid down in one go, before squeezing her eyes shut and coughing hard, but to the surprise of everyone, remained upright and relatively sober, earning a pleased whistle from Ranma, "Damn, that was impressive."

"Heegh...Shampoo...no lightweight...Shampoo can take it." Another hard cough, "What...?"

Ranma nodded. "A Chuck Norris is jalapenos steeped in vodka until it kicks like its namesake. Think you can handle another?"

The other girls winced at the description, but to their shock Shampoo nodded and Ranma obliged, returning with the refilled glass as he turned to the other girls, "Want to join in Ucchan? Akane?"

Ukyo nodded and decided to order the same drink, but Akane was hesitant, "Do you have anything that won't make me start screaming like Nabiki?" Her sister sent her a venomous glare but Ranma shrugged.

"I've got something, it'll be strong but it won't kill you. Well, so long as you don't go overboard." He went into the kitchen and came back with a glass of the 'Chuck Norris' but also a small shot glass of a clear green liquor.

He set the drinks down in front of the girls, gently warning, "Try to breath out when you swallow, it'll expel any evaporated alcohol. Other then that… enjoy."

Ukyo carefully downed the Chuck Norris, coughing hard from the jalapeno oil that was in it, while Akane gingerly downed the green liquid, obviously expecting to start screaming at any moment. When that failed to happen, she blinked in surprise.

"That wasn't so bad." Her vision started blurring, "Woah, what is this stuff?"

Ranma smiled, "Dubovka; grain alcohol fermented with splinters of oakwood. Tastes smooth, goes down fine, but you'll fall down after the third shot."

Hours came and went, the sun sinking into the horizon as the drinks flowed like water. Fortunately for... well, pretty much the whole town, none of the so-called "Nerima Wrecking Crew" were mean drunks - and drunk they were. After a few more contests and challenges, the teens had pretty much forgotten about it to just get drunk. Not the most responsible thing to do, but they weren't very responsible to begin with, and as Soun and Genma had decided to call it a night, too cautious to try and take the drinks away, while Happosai had gotten drunk and been sent into LEO as a result of trying to molest all of the girls, there was nobody stopping them. In fact, the only person not drunk was Nabiki, who hadn't dared touch another drop since that Strawberry Surprise, and she was mostly content with just watching them drink themselves into a stupor. Mostly.

From her position, hopefully well out of harm's way should someone turn mean and start slinging attacks around, she swept her gaze over all of the most powerful and feared individuals in town. Kuno had been dragged into a corner where he was still lying; after he had recovered from his Praire Fire, he had only managed a few more drinks before falling unconscious again, seemingly overwhelmed by the alcohol in his system. His sister had fared only marginally better, and seemed to keep drifting in and out of consciousness, murmuring and babbling in her more lucid moments and making it clear she was seeing only the inside of her own dreams - fragmentary rants against her "enemies", chuckles and endearments to her "Ranma darling", those were the sort of things that fell from her lips.

Akane looked... peaceful, a state of mellowness that Nabiki could only barely remember her approaching when she was sober. Ranma looked fairly okay, at first glance, but there was a glaze to his eyes that suggested he was a lot better at making drinks then holding them. Mousse was currently winding down from his latest drunken melody - it was in Chinese, so Nabiki had no idea what it meant, but the way Shampoo was singing the same thing and staring meaningfully at Ranma was a pretty big hint that it wasn't something that ought to be sung in mixed company. Ukyo was evidently totally plastered - the fact she had slung her arm over Shampoo's shoulders and was trying to sing along as best she could was proof of that. It would have been amusing if they had actually been able to keep it on-key and weren't slurring or stumbling over the words.

Far more of concern to Nabiki was the fact that Ryoga was staring at her big sister -she still couldn't believe Kasumi would actually try drinking, even if it was only to be sociable- with a goofy expression and a dopey smile plastered all over his face. Worse still was the fact that Kasumi seemed to have gone from giggling at nothing to staring back into his eyes, a shy smile on her lips and her cheeks flushed red with, perhaps, more then just alcohol.

Suddenly, Kodachi straightened and started looking around, although the haze in her eyes meant that she was probably sleepwalking, and then her eyes fixed themselves on Nabiki and with a cry of "Ranma darling!" the gymnast latched onto the middle Tendo daughter like a strangling vine.

"Ack! Get off me Kodachi! I'm not Ranma!" It was no use, the girl was firmly in the hold of whatever alcohol-induced dream had arisen to replace her previous ones and she wasn't hearing any of her protests.

"Oh Ranma darling, we have to escape from here! Those nasty girls will never be able to truly satisfy you!" Nabiki went pale. She wasn't saying what she thought she was saying was she? Kodachi lifted Nabiki into a bridal carry and the middle Tendo started to struggle harder before she was suddenly wrapped up in Kodachi's ribbon as the girl giggled, "So frisky Ranma darling. Don't worry, I'll put that energy to good use."

Well fuck. Nabiki could only try one last thing to get out of this… "Somebody help me!"

Kasumi managed to smile at her, "Oh, leaving with Kodachi, Nabiki? Have fun." The others raised their glasses in a farewell as Nabiki started swearing up a storm, Kodachi ignoring her and carrying her out the door.

Once Kodachi and her screaming, swearing cargo vanished into the evening (or was it night? None of them could really tell), everyone fell back into silence, allowing Ryoga's comment to be quite audible to Kasumi.

"You have pretty eyes..." He slurred, not having taken his gaze from them even when Kodachi woke up.

Kasumi giggled appreciatively. "Oh, you don't mean it..." She said, stumbling over the words in her drunken state.

"S' true!" Ryoga insisted. "You verra pretty girl... why no boyfriend?" He asked, the small part of his mind that was still sober torn between recoiling at how he was babbling and being horrified at what he was saying - to **Kasumi**, of all people! Akane would kill him! ...Well, if she were sober, she would. Right now, she was evidently so drunk that she found Kasumi's embarrassed blushing to be hilarious.

"Nobody thinks I'm pretty, that's why." Kasumi sniffed, eyes starting to go wet with tears.

"I do!" Ryoga insisted, horror at the fact Kasumi was crying piercing even his alcohol-fuddled mind.

"You're lying!" By now Kasumi was looking about ready to start bawling and Ryoga couldn't help but react.

"No I'm not! I think you're pretty, I really do!"

Kasumi glared at him. "Then prove it!"

There was a moment of hesitation and just as Kasumi was about to say that she was proved right, Ryoga kissed her on the lips, to the delighted whistles and hoots of the remaining drunken teens as Kasumi looked poleaxed, before she grabbed Ryoga's hand and started all but dragging him towards the stairs while the others cheered for the pair as they left.

An hour or so passed. Now, it was just Ranma, Shampoo and Ukyo sitting at the table, Akane and Mousse having decided they were tired and had drunk enough, the Chinese boy having helped Akane up the stairs to her room. None of the three were drinking now, having recognized they were just on the right side of too much to stay conscious. Ranma blinked blearily at his two fiancees, who had sense enough to cuddle up to either side of him now that they had the chance.

"This... this was a good day. I liked today. Thank you, girls." He told them.

"Why today so good, airen?" Shampoo asked sleepily.

"Yeah?" Ukyo added, belching softly across his chest, grinning stupidly as her rival grimaced and shook her head.

"Cuz there wasn't any fighting. I don't like it when you girls fight... even if you don't get mixed up and start fighting me." Ranma explained, then sighed loudly. "I just wish we could stop fighting, forever, y'know?" He told them.

"Shampoo (she hiccuped) think she know way we can do that..." The bluenette slowly said, trying to both stand up and not let go of Ranma, finally succeeding when Ranma took pity on her and lurched to his own feet, dragging Ukyo with him. Shampoo promptly staggered out the porch and towards the wall, dragging her companions with her, narrowly missing falling in the koi pond. Even drunk, she had strength enough to punch a hole they could walk through in the Tendo wall, and continued leading them out into the streets.

"Where're we going?" Ukyo slurred.

"To see great-grandmother. She help us stop fighting." Shampoo replied, all three of them grinning widely at that, too out of it to realize what they were doing. And once they had vanished into the night, the Tendo household was still and silent as the grave.


	2. Part Time Job

**Glimpses of Strangeness**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** A rather abstract little piece, but it's my attempt to do honor to something that was a throw-away gag in the original manga, but which could have been taken up for some really interesting ideas. Hope you like.

Part-Time Job

My name is Ukyo Kuonji, and I have a secret.

People don't know I have a secret, of course; that's why it's a secret. Ask anyone in Nerima, and they'll tell you some variant of "Oh, Ukyo? Yeah, she's just your average, normal girl, if you don't count the crossdressing and the fact she's one of those tied up with that Ranma Saotome". To be honest, that kind of irritates me, but I can live with being underestimated. Yes, it's true I'm Ranma's old friend, and even more so that I have an engagement to him that I want to go through with. No, I don't get mixed up with all that much of the more spectacular lunacy that Ranma-honey gets involved with – and there's a reason for that. Yes, part of it is my job, my need to sell okonomiyaki to pay the bills and that does eat up a lot of my free time, but it's not the only reason. It's not even my only job.

I, Ukyo Kuonji, am a part-time demon slayer. Don't laugh! There're weirder things in this world, and despite what you may think, there's actually a fair calling for my services. Why did you think I was the one to suggest going to hunt that ghost, when Kuno got his hands on that stupid bokto that belonged to Miyamoto Musashi? Compared to some of the things that have happened in this ward alone (like cursed paintings of demons and monsters that come to life, or an ancient bra haunted by the ghost of a vengeful sorceress, or that stupid Maomolin, who I've had to handle several times now), there are often calls for my talents.

In case you're wondering, yes, I do moonlight as a miko, but I'm not very good at the whole 'spiritual powers' side of things yet. That's one of the reasons why I haven't told Ranma-honey about my "other life"; I might, eventually, be able to purify him of his curse, but right now I don't have that sort of power, and I couldn't bear to disappoint him like that.

…Alright, I'll admit it, part of the reason I keep quiet is because I know that Ranma-honey can be a bit jealous, and I like having something I can do that makes me special. I mean, all of us girls can fight – besides my choice of weaponry, I'm nothing special in that department. Shampoo's got that whole "Chinese Amazon" thing going on, and Akane, tsundere that she is, still manages to use that "girl next door" charm. This is one of the biggest things that makes me unique, and I don't want to give it up. Yes, I know that I could probably get better at fighting these creatures if I could get some lessons from Ranma, but do you really think those jackasses at the Tendo Dojo would give me the time and space I needed to do that?

I need to go now. I just got a phone call from Shikoku, something about a rampaging boar kami, and I'm not getting paid by the hour… what? Did you think I did this for free? Oh no, I can't afford to be generous like that – other demon slayers might have bank trusts they can live off of or clueless family members they can mooch from, but this how I make a living. If I can't be selling okonomiyaki, then I need to be getting it from elsewhere, and you'd be surprised how much people would pay even for something that basically amounts to chasing tanuki out of the trash. Oh, I've gone up against a few tough opponents, but I know my limits and so far I've been lucky enough to avoid getting caught over my head. But I'm getting better and better with every such "mission", and one day… yes, one day…


	3. New Blade, Raw Power

**Glimpses of Strangeness**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** I think this may be the most pointless drabble in this anthology. It literally evolved from this mental image I had of seeing Shampoo swinging around the Dragon Slayer after watching Berserk and noting that the dao she was swinging around one handed in her first appearance wasn't exactly small, either – in fact, I know of at least one fanfic writer who insists it's a zhanmadao, a Chinese greatsword. Still, hopes folks get some humor out of it.

New Blade, Raw Power

It was a peaceful day at the Tendo residence, with all of the inhabitants having gravitated to the living room, doors open wide to let the gentle summer breeze waft into the house. Kasumi gently hummed to herself as she prepared a light snack. Nabiki lay on the floor, legs curled back and waving softly, as she flipped through the pages of a new manga. Akane was watching a documentary on the TV, P-chan eagerly nuzzled into her arms. Soun and Genma were playing yet another of their interminable board games, Happosai was out (thankfully), and Ranma was practicing a light kata in the garden. Yes, all was calm and quiet... and that was when Shampoo suddenly hopped over the wall.

"Nihao!" She called politely.

"Oh, my, hello Shampoo." Kasumi politely welcomed the Chinese girl. Ranma and Akane, meanwhile, tensed up: there could only be one reason Shampoo was here.

However, to their shock, Shampoo gave nothing more than a happy smile to Ranma, turning to Akane and pointing at her dramatically. "Akane Tendo, you I challenge!" She declared, to the shock of everyone present.

"I'm not going to fight you for Ranma, so forget it." Akane flatly told her oldest rival... well, second oldest, if one counted Kodachi, and Akane usually didn't.

"That not what Shampoo say. Shampoo challenge Akane as martial artist; if Akane is really martial artist, then Akane will accept Shampoo's challenge!" The Chinese bluenette replied in a calm, firm tone, a smirk on her lips.

Akane, naturally, couldn't resist that bit of bait. Angrily shoving P-chan aside, she thrust herself to her feet. "You know where the dojo is." She growled.

"Hey, come on, what brought this on?" Ranma interjected, trying to calm things down.

"What, Ranma is only one what allowed to test strength against rivals?" Shampoo asked, rhetorically, yet pointedly.

Akane's reply, meanwhile, was a lot less polite. "Butt out, Ranma!" She snapped.

Ranma wanted to say something, but bit his tongue and held his silence. He had no idea what had brought this on, but he figured it would be alright: there was no way Shampoo would try and seriously hurt Akane with an audience, and she had explicitly said that this wasn't some gambit to get him for herself. Really, the only problem he had with this was the fact that Akane would be a real pain to live with for the next week or so after she lost, and Ranma had no doubts she would. While it was undeniably true that Akane was a very capable martial artist in her own right, something Ranma had never outright denied, the ugly truth was that Ranma own circle of "friends" (for a very generous stretch of the term) all outclassed her easily. Shampoo had handled Akane with the same ease Akane could handle one of the average schmucks at school shortly after first arriving in Nerima, and while Akane had grown in skill since then, Ranma would be hesitant to class her at that level of power, never mind that he was sure Shampoo had also grown stronger over time. This was going to end in tears, he just knew it...

Naturally, everyone except Kasumi promptly followed the two girls into the dojo, Ranma following more for propriety's sake than anything: he knew Akane was going to be in a bad enough mood, the last thing he needed was to make her upset at him, specifically, for not being there. Leaning against the wall, he watched as Soun Tendo, looking remarkably in control of himself, acted as the referee.

"This match will be bare hands, and fought to first fall. Are these rules clear?" He declared in a tone that made him seem like a true authority figure.

Both girls nodded their agreement.

"Then begin!" He proclaimed, waving his hand to signal matters.

"Shampoo let Akane have first strike." Shampoo jeered, pointing to her forehead for emphasis.

Akane's eyes bored into Shampoo like daggers, but she had enough control of herself that she didn't waste time getting angry, instead charging towards the Chinese Amazon with all of her furious strength, lashing out in a straight-arm punch that would have made even Ryoga dizzy had it connected. That last part being key, of course. Akane had grown faster since that disastrous first "match" with Shampoo... yet still, the Chinese girl dodged Akane's blow at the very last instant. In fact, she practically seemed to disappear in the blink of an eye, to the shock of the watching Ranma: he had **never** seen Shampoo move that fast! Even when she was fighting him with all she had during that mess with the Reversal Jewel! The only clue Akane had that Shampoo had gotten behind her was when a powerful thrust caught her fair in the back, sending her all but flying, still standing upright, across the floor to slam into the wall on the far side of the dojo.

"Akane!" Soun shouted, the dignified, unbiased referee going out the door to be replaced by her overemotional, doting father.

The youngest Tendo groaned painfully, but pushed herself free of the wall and turned unsteadily to face the still motionless Shampoo, clearly not out, yet still somewhat dazed. "How did you do that?" She asked unconsciously.

Shampoo merely smirked, and then shot forward at the same blazing speed, far too fast for Akane to react in time. Ranma coiled, ready to spring and intercept, but found it unnecessary; Shampoo did not launch some kind of real attack against Akane, easy though it would have been to do so, instead shoving her while simultaneously pulling her legs out from under her with a sweep kick. The result was that Akane hit the floor before she knew what was going on, Shampoo pinning her to the ground with a foot on her chest. The Chinese Amazon smirked down at her beaten adversary. "Shampoo is strongest girl, and you no forget that!" She told Akane, then spun on her free heel and walked away, her body language practically screaming gleeful confidence as she leapt back over the wall.

It was several moments after she had left before anyone could speak. "What was **that** all about?" Akane loudly asked.

Nobody could answer her.

Finally, Nabiki shrugged and turned to leave, "Well, she'll probably be off to challenge Ukyo now, here's hoping Shampoo doesn't humiliate her too badly."

Ranma shook his head; mind wondering about what he had seen Shampoo do as Akane followed after grumbling about cheating or something similar.

"Wonder what sort of training she did..."

Meanwhile, Ukyo was just getting ready to open up for the day when she saw someone that spoiled her good mood. "Oh, its you. What do you want sugar?"

Shampoo frowned, "Shampoo is Shampoo, not Sugar, Spatula-girl is weird sometimes."

Ukyo shook her head. "So what are you doing here? Another magic recipe or gimmick to make Ran-chan yours?"

Shampoo shook her head with a smile. "No, Shampoo just want challenge Ukyo as martial artist. No plan."

Ukyo quirked an eyebrow but flipped the sign to say 'Back in five minutes' on the door. "Somehow I doubt that. Meet me out the back." Ukyo blinked and started. Shampoo was gone; she didn't see the girl leave. It only got weirder as she arrived to find Shampoo sitting casually in the empty lot behind her restaurant, "How the heck did you do that?"

Shampoo smiled a smug smile, "That for Shampoo to know and Spatula-girl to never master."

Ukyo whipped out her battle spatula and leveled it with a sneer. "So you got faster, that ain't exactly enough to make me scared. Lets see what you got."

Shampoo's smile got wider, but she remained at her chosen seat. "Shampoo let Spatula-girl have first shot."

Ukyo snarled and charged, weapon ready in a high sweep as Shampoo remained still. 'She doesn't think I'll hit her? We'll see about that!' The two-handed spatula swung, Ukyo putting her full strength into the swing as the weapon came down like a comet and smashed into the pile of junk Shampoo was sitting on, kicking up a cloud of dust and forcing Ukyo to close her eyes for a brief second.

"That all Spatula-girl have? You too-too slower than Kitchen Destroyer."

Ukyo's eyes snapped open to see Shampoo sitting on the flat of her weapon, hand gripping the shaft while her slippered feet rested on the grass as Ukyo gaped. The chef didn't have time to do anything more than blink before she heard a shriek and was on the ground seeing stars with Shampoo holding her weapon with a grin.

"Shampoo win. Shampoo strongest girl here, and Ukyo no forget that!" With that the Chinese girl tossed the weapon down next to the stunned Ukyo and vanished from sight.

After a few minutes, Ukyo managed to get to her feet, clutching her chest and wincing at the pain, feeling less like a punch and more like she had been struck with a cannonball. As she picked up her battle spatula, Ukyo blinked at a familiar feeling on the shaft and glanced down, her eyes widening in shock at the sight before her.

There on the shaft was a set of grooves, unmistakable evidence of someone gripping the shaft with enough strength to deform the steel to the point that Ukyo knew that a tighter grip would have snapped it clean in two. Ukyo felt a shiver go through her before she snarled in anger.

"You're going to pay for that Shampoo."

Several days later, and Ukyo had not been able to live up to her vow. Oh, it wasn't as though she hadn't challenged Shampoo again - in fact, the Chinese Amazon seemed to have become obsessed with the idea of fighting her, going out of her way to pick a fight with the crossdressing fiancée of Ranma Saotome every time that the two met. The problem was, every time, Shampoo had managed to beat Ukyo, and this wasn't a matter of Shampoo having some new super technique or hidden advantage, as far as Ukyo could tell. All that Shampoo had apparently done was taken some time off to do some really hard physical training, and that was why Ukyo was having such a hard time challenging her. If it was a new move that was letting her win, all Ukyo would need to do would be to figure out a counter-move. When it was simply that Shampoo had gotten herself that much quicker and stronger, it was another story.

"...So, why exactly did you think to ask me for help?" She finally asked. It was a late afternoon and she was sitting in her living quarters with Akane Tendo, her other rival for Ranma's hand having approached her earlier that day and asking about calling a truce.

"Well, it's not like I could turn to Ranma, is it? He's useless when it comes to dealing with that Chinese bimbo, and besides, this is a matter for us girls to handle!" Akane explained.

Personally, Ukyo thought that explanation was clear as mud, but she kept her thoughts to herself. "So, exactly what makes you so sure it's some kind of power up she's gotten?"

"Well, it's not like they haven't shown up before." Akane pointed out. "And she did use that Super Soba once..."

"Way I heard it, you used it first and she just grabbed it to defend herself when you got drunk on power and started attacking her." Ukyo interjected.

Akane ignored her. "Even if it's not magic she's using, the two of us working together should be able to take her down, right?"

"You mean the three of us." Interjected a self-assured voice.

"Who invited you here?" Ukyo complained as Kodachi promptly leapt in through the open window and struck a dramatic pose.

"I, too, have suffered indignities at the hands of that gaijin, and so I will lower my pride and work with you, my second greatest rivals, to defeat her soundly and show her where her true place is!" Kodachi proclaimed, laughing uproariously.

"Oh please..." Ukyo began, reaching for her spatula, only to be stopped by Akane's hand on hers.

"Let her come; even if those paralysis bombs of hers don't work, she should at least make good cannon fodder."

"...Since when are you this sneaky?" Was all Ukyo could think to ask.

The plan was simple enough, follow Shampoo to whatever training ground she had, and ambush her there while her training would distract her. The opportunity came a few days later that day as Shampoo left the Nekohanten carrying a massive wrapped bundle on her back, but the apparent weight didn't seem to bother the girl as she leapt and roof-hopped with ease, although visibly slower than when she had been fighting Ukyo, Akane and Kodachi.

Soon, the girl led the trio into the forests, specifically into a forest clearing that held the scars of something having gouged the ground deeply, signs of deep trenches visible in the ground as Shampoo set the bundle on the ground with an audible thud and started stretching.

That was the signal as smoke and paralysis bombs rained from the trees and Shampoo vanished as they detonated in thick clouds, but the Chinese girl didn't escape unscathed, appearing on the edge of the clouds coughing.

"Take her down!" Immediately Ukyo and Kodachi dropped from above while Akane charged in with the intent on blindsiding the coughing Chinese girl. The trio however had forgotten one thing, Shampoo had not let go of the bundle and her instinctive reaction was to swing the bundle, with obvious results as Akane felt something smash into her ribs and send her into a tree while a snaking ribbon from Kodachi was intercepted, allowing the bundle to swing Kodachi into the dirt before it blocked a barrage of throwing spatula from Ukyo, the sharpened weapons cutting into the cloth and severing a number of strings holding it together.

As the trio recovered, they looked over at the recovering Shampoo, before their eyes widened at the sight revealed by the falling cloth.

It was huge, it had to be at least six to seven feet long, taller than Shampoo by half, black steel glinting menacingly in the light coming from above as Shampoo placed it in front of her with a firm thud. Akane gaped at it; was this how Shampoo got so fast and strong, lugging around a giant slab of steel? Ukyo and Kodachi knew exactly what they were staring at.

It was a sword, a European-style Fullblade, a massive two-handed monster better suited for smashing open armour and fortifications than actual combat, the blade had chips and nicks but it only added to the menacing, dangerous aura surrounding it before Shampoo suddenly whipped it up onto her shoulder and charged. With a yelp, Kodachi and Ukyo rolled to the side as the blade swung into and then through a large tree, the wood splintering like glass as the massive trunk collapsed backwards from the force of the strike.

'Shit shit shit! If Shampoo hits us with that thing, she'll rip us apart!' The thought was Ukyo's but from the shudder going through Kodachi and the look of fearful awe on Akane's face, she knew that they shared similar if not identical thoughts.

Shampoo meanwhile, was laughing internally. 'They don't know this thing's blade is as sharp as an onion peel!' Flourishing the massive blade, Shampoo smiled challengingly at the trio, "Want to try again?"

Ukyo snarled before holstering her weapon, "This isn't over." Kodachi nodded while Akane looked hesitant for a moment and then nodded with a determined look on her face.

Shampoo for her part, simply waved like she was seeing off customers at the Nekohanten. "Bai-bai! You know where find Shampoo!"

As the three girls left, Shampoo rolled her shoulders and hefted the fullblade onto her shoulders again with a smile, "If practice blade this good, Shampoo think real blade be too-too good!" With that she got back to her practice.


	4. Maternal Moments

**Glimpses of Strangeness**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** for a series where the core concept is several girls trying to get the hand of a specific guy, and where "future shots" (that is, stories set after the events of the series) are so popular, it just strikes me as strange that there are so few fanfics about the girls actually becoming mothers (**no**, I do **not** consider those… **abominations**… to count). And, seeing as how all the ones that I know of are Ranma/Akane, I decided to give the other girls some love. No Kasumi or Nabiki entries, because I'm not really that fond of them as matchups and there are far more of those pairings in general on FFN then there are any of these others. Rather than risk accusations of favoritism, I decided to do the girls in the order that they appeared in the show.

Maternal Moments

Kodachi  
_Waistline_: she knew it was to be expected, to an extent even welcomed, but she still couldn't help but be disconcerted about how quickly her waistline ballooned out.

_Defiant_: oh, she knew what they called her, when they thought she wasn't listening, knew how they stared at her swelling abdomen, but let them do as they like. This was the symbol of her love.

_Awkward_: as she tried to cover the tears in her leotard, her cheeks bright red, the only consolations that came to mind were the fact that it was only Ranma who had seen it, and it was nothing that he hadn't seen before.

_Sensual_: she had no idea **what** had possessed her to try and prove she could be just as attractive as she was before she got pregnant, but she certainly wasn't unhappy to find she could still knock her lover's metaphorical socks off, even with a stomach that felt like a watermelon strapped to her waist.

_Revelations_: "What do you mean, brother dear, that this news doesn't surprise you?" "With how you and your boyfriend have been indulging, my twisted sister, I'm honestly surprised this didn't happen sooner."

_Pickles_: she popped the last tart, salty, chewy, delicious morsel into her mouth, crunching down with obvious delight, savoring it until the last. When it was gone, she raised the jar to her lips without the slightest hesitation and chugged down the brine. Realizing only after she had drained it dry that Ranma was standing in the door and watching her with amusement, she blushed deeply, daintily wiped her lips… and then belched like a thunderclap.

_Music_: she has heard many well-known musicians, both western and eastern, and many different songs as well. Yet, to her ears, she thinks that none quite compare to the music of her beloved singing to their firstborn child.

_Dreams_: when she sleeps, visions come to her of what the child in her belly may come to be. Sometimes, it is a little boy who shares her laugh, running and jumping with his father's inexhaustible energy across the estate. Sometimes she sees a little girl who pirouettes with dedicated grace, rigorously practicing alongside her mother. There are so many variations, and she always wakes wondering if they are dream, or perhaps something more.

Shampoo  
_Heartbeat_: Ranma smiled up at her from his kneeling position, a touch of wonder in his eyes and pride in his voice. "Strong, healthy and full of life. Just like her mother."

_Fears_: even though she knew that both she and her husband had cured themselves first, she still woke up sweating at nights from nightmares, nightmares that, unlike other expectant mothers, always seemed connected to Jusenkyo.

_Cravings_: she did not find the jokes about her child being guaranteed to have cherry-red hair very funny. The mocking debates about whether she'd call it "Sakuranbo" or "Ying" were even less funny!

_Lineage_: when she heard that Ranma's family was a subject of mockery from some of her acquaintances, she wasted no time in tracking down the most vocal of them and beating them to a pulp. Her child had a father to be proud of, no matter what _his_ parents were like.

_Surprise_: "What you mean, Shampoo having **twins!**"

_Morning Sickness_: kneeling at the toilet, Ranma holding her long hair out of her face, choking for breath and moaning in agony in between bouts of vomiting, she began to wonder if maybe being a mother was worth this… and she had to put up with this for four or five **months?**

_Beauty_: Ranma stared at his nude wife and the mother-to-be of his children as she sat on a rock in the river, water-slicked skin glistening beneath the gentle sunlight, and for the first time wishes that he knew something about poetry.

_Swimming_: the cool water feels wonderful against her hot, itchy skin. She feels so light and carefree floating in its depths. A part of her wants to never leave here, at least, not until after the children are born.

Ukyo  
_Changes_: as she looked into the mirror, turning this way and that to scrutinize every inch of her gravid form, she couldn't help but think about how no one could possibly mistake her for a boy now.

_Libido_: "Aren't girls supposed to be put off sex when they're pregnant?" "Why are you complaining? Now, come 'ere, lover boy!"

_Fierce_: she was rather confused that Happosai would sooner flee than try to grope her, once he found out she was expecting, until her husband told her that the old pervert had almost died after trying his usual antics on a pregnant woman.

_Gender_: truth be told, she didn't care whether their baby was a boy or a girl; she knew that they would both raise a child the same way, no matter what it was.

_Labor_: the pain was worse then any battle she had ever been in, it tired her out more than any sparring session ever had, but when it was all over and she was holding her baby in her arms, it was all worth it.

_Conception_: puzzling over the mental arithmetic to determine date of conception, she blushed brightly enough she would have sworn she was glowing. How was she supposed to tell her children (or even her boyfriend) that **that** was how she got pregnant?

_Taste_: she gagged and spat in disgust, nearly retching to clear the unspeakable bitterness from her tongue. She guessed that maybe that old wives tale about pregnancy sharpening the senses was true… that, or her ingredients had somehow gone off without her being aware of it.

_Embrace_: she lies in his arms, nestled against his chest, her ear to his heart, his hands on her belly, and she is content.

…_Yeah. A pointless little brain-clunk, but I hope it wasn't too hard on the eyes._


	5. Five Senses

**Glimpses of Strangeness**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** Where did this come from, you might ask? I found a oneshot along these lines in the Avatar: The Last Airbender section, so I swiped the base concept and tried to give it my own touch. Why Ranma/Kodachi? I guess because I could. I'm going to try and adapt the base concept for "A Chinese Connection" and "Childhood Loyalties" eventually.

Five Senses

**Hearing**  
_Kodachi:_ he is not much for words, her love. He does not weave words together with any sense of grandeur, nor does he routinely produce the flowery couplets that her brother is so capable of. In truth, he can be somewhat awkward, even clumsy and brutal with his choice of language. But she does not care- in truth, she values this, and find that it makes his compliments to hear even better to hear, as she knows that when he manages to say something romantic, he truly means it with heart and soul.

_Ranma:_ when they had first become a couple, he had figured that her laugh was just something he would have to tolerate. But, to his surprise, he found it no longer bothered him. Perhaps it was because it had calmed down since before, that scratchy edge which hinted at mental instability gone. But now, to his ears, it was actually a pleasant sound- full of life, of confidence and self-esteem, a sound he could relate to quite easily. He couldn't understand why others seemed to react as though it hadn't changed.  
XXX

**Sight**  
_Kodachi:_ it is times like these that she is grateful St. Hebereke has visual arts classes. He is handsome and attractive at the best of times, but now, watching as he practices, stripped of his shirt so that she can see every muscle, visibly defined thanks to the intensity of his training, rippling and flexing as he moves, a sheen of sweat glittering in the twilight… yes, she is **very** grateful for those classes. For a moment, she considers trying to capture this moment on canvass, then dismisses it. This is something inherently alive, and she doubts that anybody save some sort of grandmaster of Martial Arts Painting or Martial Arts Calligraphy could capture it accurately.

_Ranma:_ he is no lecher, by any stretch of the imagination. He is quite capable of appreciating the beauty of the female form, but he is able to keep himself under control. This is a source of pride to him; in his mind it elevates him above the likes of Happosai, Tatewaki Kuno and Mikado Sanzenine, those who cannot see a beautiful woman without immediately being driven to pursuit. He watches her dance in the air, twirling gracefully, her ribbon practically a part of her, accentuating her every move and gesture, and he thinks that he has not known beauty until now.  
XXX

**Smell**  
_Kodachi:_ he smelled like an open road, she decided at last. It wasn't romantic, not by a long stretch, but it was true and undeniably him. His smell reminded her of trees and heat, of dust and stone. It was as if the many miles he had traveled had somehow permeated his very being… there was something strangely poetic about that thought.

_Ranma:_ he wasn't surprised that her hair carried the scent of the black roses she was so fond of, but he had never dreamed that it would smell of so many different types of flowers. When he saw her garden, at last, it made more sense, as though she carried the scent with her wherever she went.  
XXX

**Touch**  
_Kodachi:_ he was always so gentle when he touched her, and that was one of the things she found so enticing about him. That he could treat her in such a way and convey only a feeling of love, rather then possessiveness or an implication of weakness, of fragility; it heightened her pride that she had won such a lover. There was also a thrill, even an element of wonder, that hands that could shatter stone and rend metal could be so soft, precise and delicate.

_Ranma:_ he wasn't used to being touched very much, except in combat. But she refused to be daunted, and it seemed that they could never be in the same place without her touching him somehow- a stroke on the cheek, a hand on the shoulder, sitting back to back, it didn't matter to her, so long as she was able to touch him. And when she wasn't touching him, he felt strangely… cold.  
XXX

**Taste**  
_Kodachi:_ he is bitterness, copper and salt, as if his kiss is a legacy of a life of pain and hardships, of the harsh road he has walked to become the man he is. She merely kisses him deeper, kisses him longer, as if hoping to wash the past away with her love.

_Ranma:_ she is cloying sweetness and sharp spice, a taste rich and overwhelming as she herself is. He draws her closer, willingly surrendering himself to her, seeking to draw her from the shell she surrounds herself in and bring her out into the light.  
XXX

…Yeah, I know, pretty corny. But I am a novice at this whole romance writing gig, so I need all the practice I can get. Best that I keep this sort of cheesiness here, rather then letting it taint my main work, yah? I've no idea why I wrote it in this style, so don't ask.


	6. Cracked Love

**Glimpses of Strangeness**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** where did this oneshot come from, you ask? Completely out of my head- and I suppose you're all thinking that I must be. I guess it was just an urge to experiment; I'm positive I've seen others joke around about their "crackpot pairings", so I decided to make some of my own drabbles around couples I'd never actually write, at least with the intent of them being taken serious, but which I could certainly get behind for a laugh. I would have gone for clever titles… but I couldn't think of any, so I just went with the actual couple involved.

Cracked Love

_Akane X Shampoo_  
Akane sighed and flicked the television off with a press of the remote. She was so bored sitting around the house all day… but it wasn't like she could go out. Not out on the town, not to the movies, not even to school.

"And it's all your fault." She told her swollen stomach. As if in response to her words, the baby inside kicked suddenly, prompting an "ouch!" of equal parts surprise and pain from its mother. Akane stroked her belly in an effort to calm the child, the protruding flesh naked due to her having decided some time ago that if she was going to be confined to her own home she wouldn't bother with the stress of trying to squeeze into clothes that would hide her situation. Idly tracing the taut skin, she suddenly gave a mischievous smile. "Oh, Shampoo…!" She called.

The sound of running feet reached her ears, and moments later, the Chinese Amazon stormed into the room, visibly frazzled and frustrated. "What Akane want now?" She asked bitterly.

"Don't you talk to me like that! It's your fault we're in this mess!" Akane huffed.

"Shampoo's fault? You were one get all us girls drunk- and Shampoo certainly not one suggested we go to bed together!" The lavender-haired Chinese girl snarled.

"Well, **I** wasn't the one who brought along a packet of Instant Nanniichuan!" Akane retorted, eyes glittering with emotion. "So it's **your** fault I'm pregnant! Don't take it out on me that your own stupid laws say that, since I'm having your baby, you have to marry me instead of Ranma!"

Shampoo trembled with repressed rage at the mention of her crush and former fiancé-by-tribal-law, now the rather bemused boyfriend of Nabiki Tendo, and, not for the first time, forcibly quenched the urge to hit Akane. The punishments for harming the girl carrying your child were quite severe in Joketsuzoku, never mind that Shampoo was supposed to be a **mother**-to-be, not a father-to-be. Finally, she managed to calm herself, well aware that Akane was taking a vindictive delight in her anger, and managed to grit out her next words between her teeth. "What Akane want?"

Akane put a finger to her lip and took on an exaggeratedly thoughtful expression. "Hmm… rub my feet." She finally said, making no effort to hide her pleasure at being able to treat her archenemy like a slave.

Scowling to herself, muttering vehemently under her breath, Shampoo walked to Akane's feet and knelt down to do as she was told.  
XXX

_Ranma X Kuno-chan_  
Ranma's exasperated rant about how he hadn't wanted to do this, but Kuno's stupidity had forced him to try this desperate measure, so now did Kuno understand the truth about the pigtailed girl and him, came to an end as he realized that the self-absorbed kendoist wasn't paying any attention. Instead, he was occupied touching him- or, rather, **her**self and even pulling at her clothes to confirm that, yes, he had just switched sexes, courtesy of Ranma's bucket of Instant Nyanniichuan, which he'd wheedled out of Shampoo in a final attempt to try and get Kuno to stop chasing his girl side.

"I said; do you understand now?" Ranma asked mechanically, glumly certain that Kuno hadn't paid any attention, but morbidly curious about why Kuno wasn't panicking over his gender switch.

"I do indeed…" the newfound girl said, looking up from her just-formed breasts to stare at Ranma, who recoiled at the expression he found there… one that was all too familiar from the likes of Kodachi, or Shampoo. "Heaven has finally answered my prayers." Tatewaki-chan concluded.

"Say what!" Ranma spluttered in shock.

Kuno-chan simply nodded gravely. "At long last, I can cast aside that awful lie, I can stop pretending to chase that boyish Akane Tendo and that ugly pigtailed girl…"

"Who are you calling ugly?" Ranma snapped.

Kuno-chan ignored him to continue. "At last, I can reveal the truth. You see, my darling, it has always been you and you alone that I love… and now heaven has changed me so that we might be together! Come to my arms!"

She suddenly charged at Ranma, arms open, and Ranma actually screamed as he leapt over her and began running as if in fear of his life, the temporarily feminized heir to the House of Kuno chasing after him.

"My beloved, come back to me!" She called plaintively.

"Get **away** from me you sick **freak!**" Ranma screeched.

Akane twitched and then turned to her sister. "I think I've just been scarred for life." She complained.

Nabiki said nothing. She'd fainted.  
XXX

_Nabiki X Kirin_  
Jerks. I can't believe they just left me to get carted off like that. I bet they would have been falling all over themselves to come to the rescue if it was **Akane**, but oh no, it's only Nabiki; he'll send her back on his own. Jerks. It wasn't my fault; that idiot threw away that stupid half of a scroll and I just happened to catch it- how was I supposed to know it was a sacred treasure of some loony Chinese dynasty, or that holding it meant that I was considered the "destined bride" of the male heir. And what were the odds that he'd show up just then? Next thing I know, I've been shanghaied and carried away on a floating boat. And did anyone come after me? Even to at least be there at the wedding? Pah.

Oh, I guess it could be worse. He's a nice enough man; he's kind, gentle, patient, understanding… he is rich, powerful and respected too, and I am technically a queen now, even if it's only over a couple of cities here in Nekonron. I have everything I could want, and the man who I'm married too treats me pretty well, so I guess I don't really have anything to complain about.

Well, there is one thing… What do I have to do to get a decent meal around here! I'm sick of rice and pickled vegetables!  
XXX

_Mousse X Hinako_  
"Sensei? Are you feeling alright?"

Hinako blinked in confusion, then realized she'd been staring at her private student. "Yes, I'm fine Mr. Mousse. Please continue studying."

The male Chinese Amazon returned to his books, and Hinako fought the urge to sigh. She knew that she really shouldn't stare at him like that… but she had to admit that she'd always had a soft spot for mature figures with tragic pasts, and the lonely, friendless, unappreciated Chinese Amazon certainly fit the bill. Even if his original motive had been to find a way to impress the girl he chased, the diligence with which he studied was quite impressive to her, and the more she'd gotten to know him, the more she became aware that she was starting to crush on him.

And she knew that she had to stop it, for her own good and his. He was five years her junior; what would people say? Besides, he already had a girl he was after, and she knew that most people would be put off by the concept of a woman who spent most of her time in the body of a little girl. So she sat at his side, said nothing, and simply enjoyed the time they could spend together. It was for the best to say nothing.  
XXX

_Copycat Ken X Ukyo_  
I was quite lucky to find her, you know. I had dated a few girls before, but it had never really worked out. I just couldn't find that special someone… until the day I walked into her shop. I fell head over heels for her; she's beautiful, she's strong, she's kind, she has an iron will and a positive attitude that's just so infectious… alright, yes, she has something of a temper, and she does have this habit of dressing in boy's clothing, but everyone's got at least one quirk, and character flaws like that just make her unique, that's what I think.

When she started taking an interest in me, I could have died of happiness. The girl I loved was returning my feelings! There have been a few bumps in the road since then, but we've gotten past them. I've never been so happy…

…So why does it feel so wrong, what I'm doing?

"Ranchan, what's the hold up? Are you coming?" Ukyo called.

Copycat Ken blinked, and pushed himself back from the railings where he was peering over at his disguised reflection in the water. "Coming, Ucchan!" He called as he hurried to her, the smile he was wearing true and genuine, even if the face bearing it wasn't.  
XXX

_Kodachi X Akane_  
Kodachi cursed as she tripped over something as she backed away, too concerned with the person steadily approaching her here, in the sanctum of her personal bathing quarters, to care about her reputation.

"Stay away from me, you bewitched buffoon!" She snapped.

"Aw, Kochi-chan, don't be so mean…" Whined the source of her problems, a stark naked and totally uncaring Akane Tendo. She did stop her advance, but not once did her gaze, filled with undeniable adoration, waver from Kodachi's face.

Not for the first time in the last day, Kodachi cursed her luck. She had, more from idle whim than anything, attempted to create an chemical compound that would function like a "love potion" and then, after having apparently succeeded, she had tried to use it on her beloved Ranma. Somehow, though, she'd missed and hit Akane Tendo instead- and now Kodachi's greatest rival for Ranma's hand (save that cursed pigtailed girl) was chasing her like a lovesick stalker. Ranma and his associates were, thankfully, trying to figure out an antidote, but until that happened Kodachi was stuck trying to both keep her out of trouble and keep her out of Kodachi's personal space.

"Kochi-chan, why won't you go out with me?" Akane whined, causing the Kuno girl to grit her teeth. "What do those icky boys have that I don't?"

"The ability not to irritate me beyond all reason?" Kodachi suggested sarcastically. 'Please, Ranma darling, hurry up and find a cure! I don't know how much more of this I can take!'  
XXX

_I originally had plans of including a Ranma/Azusa and Ryoga/Kasumi in here, but then I admitted to myself that I don't actually consider those pairings very crackpot- at least, compared to what I've put up here. And I'm pretty sure I ended up going so far off the intended track with this lot Ryoga would be laughing at me… ah well._


	7. Prelude To A New Generation

**Glimpses of Strangeness**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** this is a strange little piece, and spiritually one might consider it a successor to "Cracked Love". The basic idea evolved from an image in my head of Ranma's son by Kodachi caught up in a romantic tangle (ala his father, not his uncle Tatewaki) with the twin daughters of Nabiki and Ryoga. I was trying to figure out how to put a unique spin on things and I recalled a particularly strange dream where, amongst visions of fencing octopi and a discourse by Lovecraftian ghouls, I beheld a scenario in which Shampoo admitted defeat in her pursuit of Ranma, but decided she would not go to her punishment without one last bit of vengeance, namely using Instant Nanniichuan and maybe a little other magical help to seduce and impregnate all three of the Tendo girls. The result is this bric-a-brac creation, which should not be taken seriously and will not get any form of sequel.

Prelude To A New Generation

Nabiki sighed softly as she stared at the postcard in her hands, its front adorned with a jolly picture of a panda munching on some bamboo. Flipping it over, she reread the words, the kanji drawn in a familiar hand.

"Hey, Nabiki, how's it going? Life's been different since I moved out here to China, but it's not bad here. I've really gotten better at my martial arts since I came here – I guess that trying to learn from someone who so outclassed me the way Ranma did was just a bad idea. So, what's this I hear about you marrying Ryoga? I'd have never believed it if I hadn't seen the wedding photos! I never would have thought you two would go together, much less that you would ever tie the knot. I mean, you never really seemed interested in anything besides money before…"

Amusement and irritation warred for dominance on Nabiki's face at that.

"But I'm glad you didn't end up an old maid. But what about these rumors that you two have a baby on the way? You better have an answer for why you didn't tell me sooner, or I'll never forgive you! …Just kidding, but come on, Nabiki, we're sisters! Why didn't you let me know about these things first hand? I mean, just because I married Shampoo and moved back to her village, did you really think I stopped caring about you?"

Nabiki would never have been able to answer that question, even if it was asked to her face. She knew that it wasn't really Akane's fault, what had happened. Three years ago, give or take a few weeks, Shampoo had resorted to one last desperate bit of magic to try and snare Ranma's heart. She had gotten her hands on some kind of powerful potion, and tried to spike Ranma's lunch with it. A good idea, in theory, but it had failed in practice: namely because Ranma had gotten into one of his interminable arguments with Akane earlier and then tried to apologize by offering her his lunch. And unlike most of the love potions that had shown up until that point, this particular potion was 'keyed' before usage. So Akane had eaten the tainted food and fallen head over heels in love… with Shampoo.

"Anyway, I guess that just means I'll have to come out and visit you sometime. Not for a while though, I'm afraid; we've got baby number three on the way, and it's not really healthy for an expectant mother to make that kind of journey, you know? Shampoo said she couldn't believe her luck when she heard I was finally the one who got pregnant – but it's not like I made her have our second. Well, you know what I mean. That's one of the reasons why I was so surprised to hear about you and Ryoga – I would have thought for sure that daddy would have transferred the engagement to you after Shampoo and I were married."

Nabiki sighed softly and shook her head. Everyone, including Cologne, had been running around trying to find a way to remove the love magic from Akane, Shampoo having wasted no time in confessing when her greatest rival had started acting like… well, a faithful Happosai was the closest similarity. However, while they were doing that, nobody was paying any attention to Shampoo and Akane, and the latter was exerting all of her seductive capabilities (such as they were) on the former. Eventually, that had led to what was only referred to by the two girls as "the shower incident", the only details of which they would share was that it had involved a spare packet of Instant Nanniichuan. And, to Shampoo's horror, it had been the wrong time of month – she was pregnant.

With this fact, and the apparent permanence of the love potion, Cologne and Soun Tendo had met and, however reluctantly, agreed that there was no other option but to wed Akane Tendo to Shampoo. Ranma had… taken it hard. For all his blustering and bickering and denials and rants, Nabiki had always suspected he had it pretty bad for Akane. And to lose her, not just in a fashion that he could do nothing about, to no enemy he could fight, or rival he could overcome, but to another girl of all things? Ranma had pretty much been a wreck.

In fact, there were times Nabiki wondered if Ranma had maybe lost his mind due to the shock – it would certainly explain how Kodachi Kuno, of all girls, had managed to come in while everyone else was distracted by this sudden bizarre rearrangement of the status quo and worm her way into Ranma's heart. There had been all of the usual accusations – drugs, magic, torture, brainwashing – but the whole truth of the matter was simple: Kodachi had given Ranma the shoulder he needed to lean on, and he, in return, had fallen for her. The relationship had proven surprisingly stable… much to the dismay of Ukyo, who had expected to be Ranma's default choice with her two rivals married to each other. Nabiki wondered if Akane or Shampoo had heard about Ukyo and Mousse getting together because of that; the kind-hearted Kuonji girl had given Mousse the solace and support nobody else was inclined to do, and he had returned the favor when Ranma had declared he was going out with Kodachi now. Probably not, and it was doubtful she would have cared if she had heard. Sighing again, she returned to reading the last of the letter.

"But I was truly shocked to hear about Kasumi and Dr. Tofu. I mean, I always thought they made such a good couple, that they were so obviously meant for each other, you know what I mean? He was so head over heels for her it hurt to watch, sometimes, and she always did say she wanted an older guy. I can't believe he finally managed to pluck up the nerve to tell her how he felt, only for her to tell him that she didn't return his feelings! I mean, yeah, she did always seem to be so oblivious to his antics, but I thought that was just her being too polite to make much mention of them, not a sign that she didn't think of him as anything more then just this quirky guy she knew. He's actually come out here to study medicine, did you know that? I've heard from him that there's rumors Kasumi's started going to college, and even that she's found somebody there – care to tell me about that?"

Nabiki couldn't; Kasumi had started attending college, and didn't deny that she was seeing a guy (she had even brought home pictures as proof), but she refused to tell them his name or introduce him to them. It was actually kind of insulting.

"Anyway, I expect you're really busy with things out there, and this postcard's almost full, so I better be off. Love, your sister, Akane."

Nabiki gently put the postcard down and pushed it out of the way, pulling over a blank postcard and a pen. She thoughtfully poised the pen over the blank card, then, a few minutes later, frowned gently and tapped the tip against the desk. She was so lost in her musings that she didn't notice she was not alone until the newcomer lifted her effortlessly from her seat.

"Are you still trying to reply to that letter? You were stuck on that when I left!" Ryoga Hibiki laughed, cradling his pregnant wife in the air as though she were an overstuffed pillow, though with far more tenderness.

"Put me down, you great lump!" Nabiki snapped, though she was smiling faintly as she said it, and didn't really look unhappy at being where she was. Ryoga did as he was told, though, Nabiki staggering slightly as her legs readjusted to carrying her weight on their own. "I'm glad they haven't gotten your strength." She told him in all sincerity. "Twins are bad enough, but if they took after you, they'd have ripped me open by now." Ryoga said nothing to that, his lack of ease obvious, and Nabiki took pity on him and changed the subject. "So what did you bring me?" She asked, knowing that Ryoga wouldn't have forgotten her souvenirs from this unintentional trip of his. At least, not if he didn't want to sleep in the dojo for a week!

"Maple manju and red bean triangles from Hiroshima and Kyoto." Ryoga grinned, pointing at the bed they shared now.

"Lucky you didn't run into Kodachi; she's been craving the stuff like mad. Ranma's being forced to run back and forth between here and there constantly to keep a good supply on hand." Nabiki quipped. "Did you know she actually asked me for advice? I can't think why – I mean; these are my first kids too." She added as an afterthought.

"You've been pregnant longer then she has, and you're really the closest 'friend' she has." Ryoga pointed out. "Besides, it could have been worse; it could have been Taki who asked."

Nabiki, who had just been about to bite into a red bean triangle, stopped, grimaced, and put it back in the box. "Well, that just killed my appetite." She muttered. "She's not? There's no way…" She asked, disbelievingly.

The source of her disbelief was rather obvious. It had barely been two years since Tatewaki "Blue Thunder" Kuno had somehow vanished, having been transformed into the undeniably female "Taki Kuno". Nobody knew how or why it had happened – the two most prominent theories so far was that Kuno had attempted some kind of magical ritual to "resummon the pigtailed girl" after Kodachi had obtained Nanniichuan water for Ranma, ending up changing himself into a girl (permanently, as far as anyone knew) by mistake, or that he had somehow offended a magical entity (it wasn't as though there hadn't been a few of those passing through Nerima, after all) with his lechery, chauvinism, stupidity, hypocrisy, or any combination of the aforementioned. Oh, there were rumors that 'she' had been seen hanging out with Tsubasa Kureni, who had found that his disguises didn't exactly work too well on someone who was used to using methods other then vision to get around and who didn't appreciate someone trying to flirt with the one girl who had actually taken him in, but Nabiki had never really bought into them. She was too smart to trust rumor, particularly as she'd spread rumors for her own benefit in the past.

"It's just a rumor…" Ryoga shrugged.

"Which means it's just a joke. And a poor one at that." Nabiki scowled, and Ryoga laughed nervously. Nabiki grabbed his hand and began to pull him in the direction of the door.

"Come on, you need a bath, you've been on the road for days." She insisted.


	8. The Mysterium Emporium

**Glimpses of Strangeness**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** This story is set in the general universe of "Legends of Aeron", but won't really have an effect on it. And yet, it will. I have actually been thinking about giving one, two or even all three of the Ranma characters mentioned here a familiar, but I'm not sure which ones to give one, and even less sure about which familiar to actually give them. May I ask you readers to review and comment on which one(s) of the trio you think I should give a familiar, and which familiar you think would work best for your chosen character(s)?

The Mysterium Emporium 

Mr. Corelon wasn't much of a mage, by most people's standards. He couldn't throw fire, he couldn't utter curses, he was completely tone-deaf, found tinkering boring and got a headache when trying to study books of magic. But he did have a natural talent for dealing with those roguish, ephemeral spirits known to all mages as "Familiars". So much of one that he had managed to set up a business selling them to mages who figured that it would be better to get advice on which type of familiar suited them best instead of simply casting the spell randomly and living with whatever they ended up summoning.

With this in mind, it was far from unusual when a customer walked into his shop. That there were three of them at once, each one aglow (in his eyes) with the aura that indicated them to be practicing magi, was unusual but not unheard of. He smiled winningly at the trio; a young man with black hair in a short pigtail of black hair, bluesteel eyes and a sword at his hip, a young woman with a ponytail of brown hair and carrying a quarterstaff of steel, and a second woman with flowing blue hair and carrying no weapons that he could see.

"Hello, and welcome to the Mysterium Emporium. How may I help you?"

The trio muttered amongst themselves for a few seconds before the boy spoke up. "Uh, hi. My name's Ranma, and these here are my adventuring partners- she's Shampoo, and she's Ukyo. We're all arcanists, and we've all been thinking about getting ourselves familiars. But… well…"

"Say no more." Mr. Corelon said with a smile he had taken care to cultivate; calming and friendly, but not insulting or patronizing. "That's what the Mysterium Emporium is for. So, do you have any preferences, or would you like me to show you all of the types of familiar I have for sale?"

The three shared a look, then as one declared that they'd like to see his selection. Mr. Corelon bowed humbly and opened the bar between the front room and the counter so that they could follow him through the door into the "back room". Which was actually something of a misnomer; the front of the shop technically was the shop in its physical entirety, consisting of the counter and shelves of various items and treats to help a magus care for their familiar. The "back room" was a pocket plane that a powerful wizard had whipped up for him, in which he could house his various stock.

He smiled as the familiar (no pun intended) cacophony washed over him, cries and scratching and words of all sorts, from profanities to fragmentary songs. He knew his customers must be surprised; they always were. He paid no attention, instead shaping magic into a call that brought his current supply of feline familiars running to investigate.

"Well then, first of all, a cat is considered a very traditional familiar…" He jumped in shock as a sudden terrified scream split the air, turning around to see the boy shivering in fear in the arms of one of the ladies, who didn't look entirely displeased at the turn of events. The other one, after a brief stare of something that looked like jealousy at her compatriot, turned to him and gave him an apologetic gesture.

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that Ranma here has… issues… with cats. They just won't do."

"I see what you mean. Never mind, I have other familiars." Mr. Corelon answered, telling the cats to disperse, much to their disappointment. "Please, follow me."

Shampoo was starting to wonder if maybe this had been such a good idea after all, giving another envious glance at Ukyo and Ranma. She then directed her attention to the departing cats- though she wasn't quite so sure that they were really cats. That one looked almost like a tiger- in fact, she would swear that it _was_ a tiger, shrunk down to the size of a housecat! Another looked more like a stylized statue then a cat… which didn't stop it from slinking away with typical feline dignity. Or meowing. Realising that the others had gone on ahead, she shook off her surprise and hurried to catch up with the other, finding them in front of an unusual perch… housing a number of bats.

"The bat is a respected familiar, due to its skill at stealth and sensing what is unseen. In fact, its senses are so powerful that it can actually reveal foes that were previously concealed from its master."

As the shopkeeper said this, one particularly fine specimen roughly the size of two-year-old child yawned dramatically, baring fangs that looked like they could slice to the bone. Ranma rubbed his chin in thought, then spoke up.

"Hmm… interesting. Say, you got any other familiars that fly?"

"A few others, if that's where your tastes lie. These falcons, for example." Here he gestured to another perch, where a variety of hunting birds looked at the Nerimite trinity with defiant expressions. "A falcon is particularly useful to warrior spellcasters, as they can provide warnings against enemies who would strike from surprise. Their eyes are keen, and they are more independent then most familiars. They can also channel magical energy through the link they share with their master, allowing them to cast ranged spells from their more advantageous positions."

"These owls, on the other hands, are known as symbols of wisdom, and give great counsel and insight to their masters. They are the only familiars who can lend their sight to their master, allowing such a mage to see whatever the owl sees."

A silver-feathered raven croaked loudly, almost as if scolding the shopkeeper, who laughed gently. "Yes, yes, I was coming to you. Ravens have keen eyes for items that have been hidden, and it also allows its master to hear any conversation that it holds- don't be fooled, a raven can speak any language that its master knows. In fact, it can actually speak for you, saying what you want to say."

"Rawk! And what about me, big ears?" Squawked a parrot, its feathers shifting through colours like a kaleidoscope.

"Parrots have the same message relaying power as ravens, but are more skilled at social situations then them." Mr. Corelon replied without missing a beat.

"And don't forget, we're much better looking then they are too!" Said another parrot.

"Yeah, well, we're smarter than you, you gaudy featherheads!" Croaked a raven.

"Who dunked you in the inkpot, beady eyes?" Shrieked the first parrot.

The owls, falcons and bats all took flight as the parrots and the ravens began a full-fledged war of insults and screams at each other. Mr. Corelon sighed heavily and rubbed his brow. "Perhaps we'll move on and take a look at the others?"

The Neremites nodded and the quartet left the squabbling birds behind. As they traveled, Ranma looked idly around at the creatures wandering around, pulling to a stop as one in particular caught his eye. "What's **that** thing?" He asked.

"That? Oh, that's a badger. Don't let its looks fool you, it's quite fierce, and it can bestow some of that fierceness upon its master. It's also very devoted, and will even throw itself in the way of an attack to protect its master."

"And those things that look like furry snakes?" Shampoo asked.

"Weasels. They're agile and quick witted, traits that they bestow on their master, and they're also experts at sneaking around and dodging surprise attacks. Very useful if you need a scout in a pinch."

"And the rats?" Ukyo asked.

"They help their master in the arts of sneaking, and they can be sent to steal small objects or manipulate things. It's like having an extra, independent hand, one that belonged to a skilled thief."

As if believing himself on a roll, the shopkeeper then pointed to a tank filled with a rather frightening variety of spiders. "Spiders are similar, in that they can use their webbing to pull small objects into the reach of their master. They have a far more potent symbolic magic, however; not only is their master better at climbing, but their spells of restraint and restriction are imbued with the spider's webbing, becoming more potent."

At the sound of a hiss, Mr. Corelon reached down and stroked something like a cobra with a head at either end in the manner of a person stroking a cat, then patted a football sized toad with a body of copper and semiprecious stones for 'warts'. "Snakes, meanwhile, enhance their master's flexibility, both in tongue and in body, while toads augment the toughness and durability of those who keep them as familiars."

Ranma shook his head slowly. "Wow, I had no idea that you could have so many different animals as familiars. So, girls, seen something you want?"

"But you haven't seen all that there is." Mr. Corelon protested.

The trio looked at him with mild amazement in their eyes. "You mean there are others?"

"Of course! You've only seen the natural familiars, so far- there's still the **un**natural ones. Follow me." He declared proudly.

He stopped in front of one cage, which he opened to release a creature, the sight of which made Ranma declare in disbelief, much to the bemusement of the girls with him. The reason was, apart from its size (roughly that of a large cat), it was a perfect replica of the dragon he had raised to maturity during that typhoon in Nerima, what felt like so long ago. It soared effortlessly through the air, performing intricate acrobatic stunts around each of the trinity, but seemed especially fascinated by Shampoo, for some reason.

"Dragonlings, like this one here, bestow great vitality upon their master, and can draw the energy of an explosive spell through their link and use it like a breath weapon. They're particularly fond of dragon magic sorcerers…" Here he gave a sly, knowing wink to Shampoo, who did her best to keep her expression neutral.

Once the dragonling was back in its cage, the shopkeeper showed them a set of other cages, each of which contained a monstrous figure, most of which were pacing back and forth with angry enthusiasm- and not always on the floor of the cage. "These bound demons are most popular with our more battle-enthusiastic clientele. They can transmute the pain of their master's enemies into vitality for their master. The book imps, on the other hand…" Here, he gestured to a separate batch of cages, which contained various humanoid figures, most of which were reading or lounging on books or scrolls. "Are for those who seek knowledge, which book imps are quite able to provide- especially in the areas of history and the arcane arts. They also provide a resistance to flames, and can turn invisible."

"What are these here? More dragons?" Ukyo called from another batch of cages, these containing more reptilian beasts.

"Oh, no, those are fire and lightning lizards, salamanders essentially. They're particularly favored by sorcerers with an affinity for flames or storms; fire lizards provide protection from fire and heat, while lightning lizards shield their master from lightning. Those are the last of our living familiars- the only other ones I have in stock are 'construct' familiars. Would you like to see them?"

The three looked at each other, then nodded in affirmation. At this, Mr. Corelon led them to a table covered in a variety of figurines, many of which were moving. "These are our homunculi familiars. The crafter homunculus (he pointed at a clay manikin) is favored by those who make regular usage of creation rituals and alchemy, or at least the items that can be crafted through alchemy. The defender homunculus, also known as the canine construct (he pointed to a mechanical dog, iron plating over clockwork), is a focus for defensive spells, particularly those used by warding rituals. The scout homunculus (a winged figurine, this one) is useful for scouting and scrying rituals; no other familiar can wander as far from its master as this one."

He next pointed them to what looked like a batch of miniature scarecrows and strange plants. "These rootlings augment their master's connection to the natural world, allowing them to pass through forests and other areas of natural growth without the slightest difficulty."

"What's in these jars?" Shampoo asked, currently standing in front of what looks like a potion cabinet.

"Those are oozes, protoplasmic familiars." Mr. Corelon answered.

Shampoo looked disgusted. "Who would want a tub of snot for a familiar?" She asked.

"They're actually quite friendly and very useful if you spend a lot of time underground. They also secrete chemicals that can neutralize acids." The shopkeeper said, unfazed by her disgust. He might have said something more, but was cut off by a sudden scream from elsewhere, which prompted a wry grin. "Ah, it seems your friends have found the last of the familiars in my shop."

He led Shampoo to a table where Ranma and Ukyo were standing, visibly disconcerted, and staring at the array of bare skulls, severed hands and disembodied eyeballs laid out on it. "What are these things?" Ranma demanded.

"Why, these are the last of my familiars. They tend to be most popular with those of a particular macabre bent, I will admit. These skulls, for example, have their own knowledge of the arcane, and are certainly intimidating. They can also empower spells that cause fear and dread in the target. These arcane eyes enhance their master's vision, both magical and mundane, and can see in places where you cannot go. As for the disembodied hands, well, surely the usefulness of such a familiar is obvious?"

He smiled winningly, then dusted his hands off. "Well, that's the grand tour finished. Have you decided on what familiars you would like to purchase?"


	9. Remains Of The Day

**Glimpses of Strangeness**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** Why did I write this? Because it was in my head, and I've been told my works tend to be drama/angst heavy, so I figured I'd go with it. I hope the style of writing isn't too hard to follow, but this was what occurred to me to write it in. This oneshot is vaguely tied to the "Legends of Aeron" Ranma/D&D fanfic Gideon020 and I plan to write after Chasing the Rainbow is complete.

Remains of the Day

Picture a world, glistening from above like an immense jewel, but not a world like the one in which we live. This is a world of men and monsters, of wizards and warriors, of dungeons and dragons. This is the world of Aeron. Now, picture that this world is embedded within the center of a gargantuan pillar- or, rather, that two pillars stretch from both above and below the world, and the world is where they touch. The bottom pillar rises from what is known as the Elemental Chaos, an infinite sea of endlessly churning elements. Here, oceans of lightning beat against shores of ash, forests of plants with steel for wood and fire for leaves sprout amidst raging blizzards, and massive bergs of rock drift silently on the wind. The pillar that descends to touch Aeron does from an infinite sea of starlight and silvery mists. This is the Astral Sea, where beings of power dwell in miniature worlds called Dominions and the corpses of slain gods float like great icebergs on the ethereal tides.

Within this sea of stars floats a great ship, remarkably like the galleons of the mortal world and quite out of place, were it not for the extrusions, half fin and half wing, that project from its hull. For this is a galleon of the Astral Sea, created to sail between realities themselves. Yet, this galleon seems to be abandoned, for no crew can be seen, and it drifts silently, with no purpose and direction. But life has not fled this ship, no. Deep within the ship, in the magic-expanded labyrinth of rooms and passageways, the ship's owner, one Ranma Saotome, was just finishing his training routine, a blending of martial arts, swordplay and magic, honing all of the skills that had seen him become a famous and powerful adventurer.

His double scimitar flashed and twirled, his free hand and legs alternatively lashing out in powerful blows, so that an onlooker would have been amazed that he didn't so much as skin himself with the whirling blades, or, more likely, hack off one of his own limbs. Words of power sizzled on his tongue, gouts of fire and lightning streaming in all directions, cracks of thunder and razored icicles spattering and shattering about him. And then, in an instant, he stopped, allowing his aura to dissipate amidst the cloud of smoke and steam veiling him. He looked about, then sighed in discontent; when had his life become so routine? When had the practice of techniques he could barely have conceived of in Nerima became merely a way to pass by the infinite tide of days? He was distracted from his ruminations by a deep, sonorous chiming; a chiming that he could tell came from his personal quarters. With a word and a gesture, the damage to the room was undone, with another few syllables, Ranma's body faded away like mist on the wind.

When Ranma opened his eyes, he was in a different chamber, the chamber that had been designated for his private usage. Before him was a large, elaborate timepiece, vaguely like a grandfather clock, more like a miniaturized combination of an orrery and one of those elaborate clocks normally used for city clocktowers. This had been a present to Ranma from a githshryl fortress-city for saving them from an invasion by a force of death giants and their undead slaves. This wondrous piece of technoarcana gave great insight into not only the passage of time, but the natural influences and motions of the planes and the most notable locales of such. But what had the alarm been for?

Ranma studied the timepiece for a few long minutes, and then his eyes widened and a smile came to his face. Now he remembered; it was a reminder that today was a very special day to him. Today was the 2000th anniversary of the day that he, Ukyo and Shampoo had been brought to this world and had become adventurers, the day that their lives had changed forever. Feeling more life in him than he had felt for… well, years now, Ranma gently placed his weapon on its rack and looked at himself in a nearby mirror of polished silver. Even though he was living in it, he still had trouble believing how well he was withstanding the rigors of time. Though he knew himself to be over two millennia old, his appearance was the same as it had been when he was in his prime. Oh, he was taller then he had been when he had first come to Aeron, his hair he'd allowed to grow longer and extend his pigtail into a braid, there were a few scars and quite a few more tattoos on him now than then, but he didn't look anywhere near as old as he even felt.

That done, he walked through the door. Okay, to be more accurate, he walked up to the door, stared at it for several seconds as he tried to recall just how to undo the locks, then gave up and simply passed through it like a ghost. There were literally miles of passages and walkways through the ship the trio had claimed as their home, but Ranma had not only helped build it into what it was, but had crossed every square inch of it at least once in the centuries of his existence here. He knew the ways obvious and hidden, blatant and secret, and soon found himself standing in front of the first room he had to visit. The library, filled with spellbooks, grimoires, and tomes both occultic and mundane, gathered and even written over their vast career. He hesitated, a part of him deep inside not wanting to enter again, but he forced it down and pushed the door open.

In Nerima, Ranma would never have been able to answer if someone had asked him what love was. Now, he knew. Love was when you cared for someone so much that the fact they were gone still brought an ache to your heart, even four hundred years after the fact. Perhaps what made things worse was the fact that neither he nor Shampoo had even had a chance to say goodbye. Though all three had been forced to learn special ways to cope with the sheer volume of memories they acquired, Ranma could still see things as clearly as if it had happened yesterday.

Ukyo had retired to the library that night, saying that she wanted to finish up studying some eldritch algorithms, claiming that she was on the verge of a real breakthrough. Ranma and Shampoo had both given her some good-natured teasing –after centuries as a trine, any unpleasant feelings towards each other had been worked out long ago, though that didn't mean they were some sort of group mind or anything like that– and then retired to the communal quarters, figuring she would join them when she grew tired of pouring over books and scrolls. When she wasn't present at their breakfast the next morning, they had joked about absent-mindedness and gone to fetch her… but there had been no sound from within the library.

The door had barely lasted a second before they had torn through it… to find the library totally empty. There wasn't a sign of Ukyo, save for a pushed back chair, a table piled with tomes and tablets, and her staff lying abandoned on the floor. Ukyo never went anywhere without that staff. The final clue was a single page of paper, Ukyo's familiar script scrawled on it in uncharacteristic haste. Theorems and half-complete formulas that neither could understand, leading up to some final, hasty words. Words from Ukyo, addressing them, speaking of a great discovery, a 'wonder beyond wonders', something that was 'calling to her, irresistible'… whatever she was working on, she was gone now, and forever. Lost beyond the reach of even their power.

Ranma forced himself away from the past and into the present- the first time he and Shampoo had been through that experience, the pain of the broken triumvirate, had been more then enough. He entered the cool, dry chamber, unconcerned with the way it seemed to stretch for almost a mile in all directions, kept perpetually free of dust by minor enchantments. He walked toward the small shrine he and Shampoo had erected for their lost family member, bowing to it in a gesture of respect from the homeworld he could barely remember now. Whispering softly, he conjured forth a rose-like flower from the Elemental Chaos, a beautiful thing of unmelting ice for leaves and stem and petals of white-blue flame. Placing it upon the tiny altar, he repeated the gesture, then turned and walked away, gently closing the library door behind him.

Having done that, Ranma whispered a teleportation spell, sending himself directly to one of the lesser vaults. A heartbeat later and he stood at the base of a mountain of coins and gems and other such 'mundane' treasures, enough wealth to buy a country. Of course, any thief who somehow managed to find their way here would first have to deal with the guardian currently slumbering atop the mound. Ranma looked up at her, then shook his head gently; of them all, Shampoo had changed the most since they had fallen through that portal. Of them all, she had probably been the most surprised to discover that she had draconic blood in her veins… well, alright, the bullywugs that found themselves on the receiving end of a lethal barrage of frost gouts, acid projectiles and lightning bolts probably had been pretty startled too. But she had adapted, as they all had, learning to tap into that power and use it to her advantage. And, as with any muscle, the more it was used, the more developed it became, growing stronger and more potent with every battle, every quest. The end result was that Shampoo now had two forms; the human girl that was Ranma's friend, his partner, his wife, his lover… and the leviathan that now slumbered atop a pile of gold, like something from a dream.

That was why the room was so immense. Not simply because of the treasure, but to hold the bulk of Shampoo's draconic form. When Ranma had last measured her – now, what had that been? A decade ago, wasn't it? – she had stretched over a hundred meters from the tip of her blocky, wide-mawed snout to the tip of her long, elegant tail. Four muscular legs curved in rest like a cat's, powerful talons digging down amongst the riches. Great wings lay folded upon her back, stretching from shoulder to lower back in this state, powerful enough to carry her aloft through the skies like a bird, should she wish it. Ranma found her beautiful, both as a human and as a dragon, and unique. No one of Aeron could possibly mistake Shampoo for any of the native dragons, the cold-hearted Whites, the playful Blues, the social Greens or the sneaky Blacks, nor for the interlopers from beyond, the Coppers, the Golds and the Adamantines. As if her shape and the hue of her scales, a strange mottling of blue and purple that shifted in deepness of hue as much as in colour, were not obvious enough, no other dragon of Aeron bore hair. The same lavender locks that she carried so proudly in human form not only sprouted from her head in dragon form, but continued in a wild mane down the length of her spine, all the way to the tip of her tail.

It was looking over this hair that caused concern to take root in Ranma's heart. In dragon form, Shampoo's hair was prehensile and never still, always twitching and rustling even without her conscious will, gentle and precise enough to pick up a single gold coin, strong and cruel enough to crush a giant in its steely coils. And yet it was still; Ranma could not see so much as a sign of movement from it. Over the coins he scrambled, heedless of the treasures he trampled underfoot, until he reached her side. He called her name, and her lack of response troubled him, for he knew that her hearing was of inhuman keenness. He pressed his head against the side of her massive ribcage, the scales feeling cold and hard and solid, as though she was a statue of solid metal. He waited and waited; finally hearing a single beat of the great heart within her. When a second failed to be heard, he panicked, whispering words of power known to him and her and Ukyo alone, reaching out to the spirit within Shampoo's body.

In this place, Ranma appeared to be composed entirely of lines of light, a sketch of illumination against a field of utter darkness. Shampoo's spirit should have been here as well, lighting up the eternal night like a sun in miniature. Instead, there was nothing – no, wait! There was a single tiny spark of light, and Ranma propelled himself towards it. How had it come to this, how could Shampoo's soul gotten lost like this in the void of her own thoughts? But it did not matter, nothing did, he would grasp that spark and he would lead her back to the living, he would nourish her dwindled soul and tend to it and they would be together for centuries yet, yes, she wouldn't leave him alone, would she? But as he reached for it, barely touching it, the sole remaining vestige of Shampoo's very life essence flickered and went out, leaving Ranma all alone in the darkness.

With the suddenness and pain of a bone shattering, Ranma found himself back in the flesh, panting for air as though he had been on the verge of dying from lack of oxygen. But he had no room of mind for his own pain, too numbed by what had just happened. Mist began to trail into the room, and for one agonizingly brief moment, he thought that maybe he had performed the spell wrong, that Shampoo was alive. But no, the mist and clouds were seeping steadily from Shampoo's nostrils and mouth, in far greater volume then she ever could have exhaled. With no preamble or ceremony, rain began pouring down- Ranma had heard that when the most powerful dragons died, the elemental essence within them sometimes diffused into the land around them, but had never seen it before. Nor was he seeing it now, slumped bonelessly on his knees, eyes staring but not seeing as water began visibly flowing over the priceless (worthless) treasures beneath him, unfeeling of the moisture soaking him, unable to distinguish between the raindrops falling about him and the tears falling from his eyes…

A year and a day came and went, though Ranma could never have distinguished where one day began and another ended. He had retreated to the communal quarters, allowing the realization that he was all alone, now and forever more, to fully sink in to his mind and soul. No more could he stand it- if he showed no sign of age after two thousand years, then how much longer might he be condemned to live? But he could not bring himself to merely die- that was not his way. And then he had looked into the scrying pools… he had seen so many worlds where darkness was strong, so many worlds in need of heroes. Once, he and Ukyo and Shampoo would have been happy to aid such worlds… but now he was one and devoid of the will to fight. Then, at last, he had discerned a way, a way to finally allow oblivion to claim him as it had his wives while still providing a glimmer of light to those in need of it.

For the first time in an age, the arcane forge thundered and roared, mystical flames seething and crackling beneath the smelter, pure magical energy pulsing and swirling from nodes to nodes. Heedless of the power arcing around him, shaping it through his will alone, Ranma pounded away at his anvil, speaking a constant litany as he did so, words of powers, the names of martial arts techniques that he had learned, deeds he and his trine had performed, singing his heart and his soul into the white-hot metal. His blood he had poured into the liquid metal, feeding it on his life, and even as he worked he continued to pour his power into the sword. He could feel himself growing weaker and weaker as he returned it to the hearth for further tempering, then brought it back to the anvil, but he continued his efforts with no respite.

It would be a far better thing he did then merely awaiting whatever end might come for him in centuries hence; he had already prepared the galleon for his death, scattering rumors of its emptiness and the potential wealth within to the people of Aeron. His descendents, far too many generations of childer and grandchilder for him to keep track of, had brought forth many other adventurers, and he was sure in his heart that they would find a way to reclaim their family heritage. He was old now, old and tired and weary of life itself. His closest friends, his family, they were gone now, so there was no purpose to him remaining alive. He had seen such wonders and such horrors, fought demons, gods, angels and elementals alike. He had explored a sunken citadel at the bottom of a sea of liquid ice, and held a peace treaty with githyanki aboard the corpse of a slain god. He had dueled with archfey, and studied arts pioneered by liches and vampire lords. He had lived his life to the fullest, and he had no regrets.

At last, his work was done; plunging the blade into a slack tub filled with crimson oily fluid from the Pit itself to cool, then raising the longsword to admire his work. The blade was forged from metal rendered white as porcelain, veins of bloody crimson streaking it and giving an appearance strangely reminiscent of living flesh. Three emblems, the personal marks of himself, Ukyo and Shampoo, were engraved upon the base of the blade, and the keen eye –such as his own– could make out that many of the 'veins' actually formed the pattern of magical runes. The grip was plain in appearance, leather and wire-wrapped, leading to a pommel composed of a single piece of elemental jade, from which the faintest hint of a light could be seen, seeming to pulse with its own heartbeat. Ranma smiled, pleased with his final work, and then called upon the last of his power. A pool of gentle luminescence, a shimmering veil of infinite colours, formed before him and he released the sword, which drifted silently from his hand and into the portal, swallowed by this last batch of magic and whisked away to some place in need of its power.

There was no sound, then, save for the faint susurrus of empty clothing collapsing onto the floor. The forge continued to burn, for a while, and then went dark. And the great ship continued to drift onwards, silent, watchful, and empty of life.

…_You know, now that I've finally gotten this written, I'm not all that happy with the ending. Ah well, isn't that usually the way? You get all hyped up to get something out of your head, then you put it on code and it looks worse there then it did in your head. Anyway, I hoped you found it palatable, at least._

_Those who approach this from a background familiarity with Dungeons & Dragons may be confused by the mention of the Githshryl, seeing as how the Gith are canonically divided into the Githzerai and the Githyanki. Well, for our homebrew setting, we decided to mess with canon. In short, the Gith are one people divided into four… well, call them cadres, each of which resides on a different plane and pursues a different (plane-related) path of power. The Githzerai dwell on the Elemental Chaos and pursue Elemental power, the Githyanki are Psionic masters of the Astral Sea, the Githshryl are students of Shadow who dwell within the Shadowfell, and the Githasrai are Arcanists of the Feywild._


	10. A Familiar Stranger

**Glimpses of Strangeness**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** To preempt the curious, the "alternate Ranma" who shows up in this oneshot is indeed supposed to be the Ranma from our vaguely intended future "Ranma's Rewind" serial. Oh, for those who are having a hard time visualizing the 'curse activated photo sequence', see "The Secret Don of Furinkan High" for a visual example, with Ranma as the subject.

A Familiar Stranger

Ryoga was lost. This was nothing new, by any stretch of the imagination, but this time he was **really** lost. For what felt like an hour now, he had been wandering through this creepy, decaying, empty, mist-shrouded town- he hadn't seen a sign of life since he'd gotten here, and he hadn't left the place **once**, no matter how randomly he roamed.

"Is there anyone out there?" He called in a tone of equal parts desperation and exasperation. He was rewarded with the sound of running feet, seconds before someone ran into him from behind and knocked them both off their feet. Pushing himself upright, Ryoga seethed with rage, which only burned brighter when he turned around and saw the culprit was none other than his bitterest rival, Ranma Saotome.

…Who looked strangely happy to see him. Oh, definitely somewhat confused, but still fundamentally happy.

"Boy, am I glad to see you, Ryoga." Ranma said. "But… how did you end up in here? Weren't you going to get Taro?"

To say Ryoga was surprised would be an understatement; for one thing, "Pantyhose" Taro lived in China, and even he couldn't get from one country to the other without A: deliberately trying to do so, and B: in any short span of time. "What are you talking about? Why would I go and get him?"

"Well, we were fighting the old freak again, so naturally he'd want in- even if Akane has persuaded him to just ignore the freak's choice of first name, he still considers it his sworn duty to pound him into pulp whenever he rears his ugly head in our part of Tokyo. Besides, he was just charging up off of your cursed form while you were there… when did you turn back into a guy anyway?" Ranma asked, looking mildly curious to accompany this last part, but otherwise sounding nonchalant about the things he had said, things that Ryoga knew went totally against reality.

"…Have you taken a heavy blow to the skull recently? I mean, more so than usual? Do you have any idea how crazy you just sounded? Akane, talking to "Pantyhose" Taro? Having some sort of calming influence on him? And why on Earth would the old pervert be able to charge off of me? **You're** the one who turns into his favorite squeeze-toy when he gets wet."

Now it was Ranma's turn to stare at Ryoga like he was one off his nut. "Man, Happosai must of hit you harder than I thought he did. I've never been to Jusenkyo, remember? I was smart enough to try and find out about it before we actually got there- you're the one who switches sexes with cold water."

"I do no such thing!" Ryoga snapped. "Don't try and deny that you were the one who knocked me into the Spring of Drowned Piglet!"

"Of course I'll deny it, because it never happened!" Ranma snarled. "I was on my way back to Japan by the time you wandered into Jusenkyo- it's not **my** fault that Mousse mistook you for me and you fell into the Spring of Drowned Genius Kunoichi while dodging his attacks! Just like it's not **my** fault that you beat him senseless for it and threw him in the Spring of Drowned Virtuous Man!"

Ryoga was speechless, unsure of how to react to that. Then, finally, "…Drowned Genius Kunoichi? There's a spring like that?"

Ranma (or was it Ranma? Ryoga was starting to wonder if he'd wandered into the Twilight Zone or something…) sighed loudly, then a hand flickered too quickly for even Ryoga to follow before brandishing a set of photographs, which were then flipped over to Ryoga. Ryoga caught them, and stared in disbelief at the revealed images, a sequence of a person who could have been his identical twin being splashed and having a Jusenkyo curse activated. But the end result of the curse wasn't a little jet black pig, no, it was a girl with green eyes, hair in two day-glo colours (pink on the right side of her head, green on the left), and a bust that, even in a photograph, looked even bigger than Ranma's.

There was a long silence, which Ranma finally broke. "Kasumi was quite lucky to get that sequence, given how quick it happens. I'm glad that Shampoo suggested she get into photography… even if she was just intending it to be a way to get back at Nabiki at the time."

Ryoga finally looked up from the girl in the picture, staring intensely at Ranma. "How do you know Shampoo?" He asked, finally. He knew how Ranma **should** say that he knew her, but if Ranma had already mentioned such strange things… and proven them…

Ranma cocked his head to the side, clearly confused. "While pop was insisting we go to Jusenkyo, I heard rumors about it from other martial artists I fought along the way. They also told me about a place nearby called Joketsuzoku, so I figured we should go there first and see if they knew anything about it. They told us that the rumors were true, so we decided to stay and train there instead, though the old man was so stupid that he still went to Jusenkyo on his own- ended up falling into the Spring of Drowned Gorilla. I got to know Shampoo while I was training there, pop ate the first prize banquet at this big contest they held shortly afterwards, I had to enter the contest to save his neck, and wound up married to Shampoo. Why?"

"…Alright, one of us is clearly wrong here, but… which of us is it?" Ryoga complained.

"…Okay, you are acting really weird. What are you talking about?" Ranma asked.

"The things you talk about, they don't match my memories in the slightest." Ryoga replied. "Look… tell me about your life, and I'll tell you about the life I recall you having, and then we'll see who's mad!"

"I never said you were mad, but alright." Ranma answered, somewhat hesitantly. "Like I said, I narrowly avoided getting a Jusenkyo curse thanks to pops' stupidity, he did get himself cursed, and ended up engaging me to Shampoo. Once he figured out what had happened, he knocked me out and made a beeline for the Tendo Dojo in Nerima. Fortunately, I managed to tell Shampoo about his destination and she beat us there. Boy, was the old man unhappy when none of Soun Tendo's daughters were willing to go through with their bird-brained scheme to hitch me to one of them; Shampoo's engagement to me made the perfect excuse, as far as they were concerned."

"So, you're not engaged to any of the Tendos?" Ryoga interrupted.

"I just said that, didn't I? Oh, the old men wanted me to break up with Shampoo and hook up with one of the girls, and they've cooked up more than their share of schemes since to break us up, but pop's been somewhat distracted, what with reuniting with mom and the new baby on the way and all."

"…Another Saotome? Oh, dear sweet merciful kami, it's the end of the world." Ryoga said, only half-joking.

Ranma promptly punched him in the face and continued as if nothing had happened. "But, even without them, I've got my share of chaos to deal with. Beyond all the loony challengers and magical mishaps that pop up, there's you- popping up out of nowhere, as usual, with a new female form courtesy of Jusenkyo and a grudge against me. What kind of guy chases someone for a couple of years over some lousy sandwiches, huh? And where did you get off blaming me for Mousse giving you the curse, eh? Anyway, you showed up and decided to become my greatest rival- you were certainly more of a challenge than Kuno was. Mousse showed up soon after, wanting revenge on you for cursing him and to kill me for "stealing" Shampoo- he, however, was kind of hindered because his cursed form hates violence and is too nice to believe in vengeance. That Kodachi fell in love with him and started chasing him just gave him less time to be a pest."

Ranma broke off here to look at Ryoga. "I'm not going too fast for you, am I?"

"No, you're not. Uh… out of curiosity, what sort of relationship do I have with Akane Tendo?" Ryoga asked, unable to resist.

Ranma shrugged. "Tolerance, basically. You had a grudge against her for some time for how she treated you in female form, and she thinks you're a pervert for changing genders with cold water. She was furious when you hooked up with Nabiki."

Ryoga froze up, the metaphorical gears in his head audibly screeching to a halt. Him? And the so-called "Ice Queen of Furinkan"? Well, all right, she wasn't hard on the eyes… gah! Bad thoughts! **Bad** thoughts!

Apparently unaware of Ryoga's predicament, Ranma continued on as though Ryoga wasn't slapping himself in the face to shake the images from his head. "I'll be honest; I still don't know why she started going easier on you… maybe because she got a boyfriend of her own, I don't know."

"Who's her boyfriend?"

"Well, Mousse let Happosai out of his cave because he's an idiot and thought the old pervert would train him so he could beat me, then Taro showed up in Nerima and kind of moved in when he couldn't get Happosai to change his name with just one battle… you, know, I still don't know how or why she hooked up with Taro."

"…Akane and Taro?" Ryoga asked, his eye twitching. "Are you serious?"

"I overheard them having sex in the bathroom last week, so I'd say I'm serious." Was Ranma's nonchalant reply.

The conversation was promptly derailed as Ranma helped Ryoga recover from his subsequent apoplectic fit.

Once he had recovered, Ryoga shook his head. "That doesn't match up with what I remember at all. You and your old man did go to Jusenkyo- you knocked him into the Spring of Drowned Panda, and he knocked you into the Spring of Drowned Girl. While you were chasing him in a rage, you both knocked me into the Spring of Drowned Piglet. You wound up eating the prize banquet at Shampoo's contest, you beat her as a girl, so she gave you the Kiss of Death and chased you to Japan. You got engaged to Akane Tendo, but the two of you fight all the time. Shampoo finally found out you're a guy and started chasing you to marry you, too, but not until after getting a Spring of Drowned Cat curse. Kodachi and her brother alternate between trying to kill you and trying to marry you, depending on which form you're in, Mousse wants to kill you and has a Drowned Duck Spring curse, Happosai just wandered into town one day and lives at the Tendo Dojo, you've got this old friend called Ukyo who is also engaged to you thanks to your father… and I don't recall anything about your mother, I think she might be dead."

The two teens stared at each other, each clearly overwhelmed. "So… which of us is real?" They asked as one.

"Both of you are; haven't you ever heard of a parallel dimensions?" Came a third voice. The two looked to the side to see a pair of cloaked figures, their personal features indistinct. One of them bowed, they couldn't tell if it was the one who had spoken before, and then spoke again. "We apologize for allowing you to wander in the Lost Nexus for so long, but the two of you were hard to track down. If you'll follow us, we'll lead you back to your own realities."

With the enticement of a way out of this creepy place, and away from each other, both teens were more than willing to accept this offer. As the strangers led the two away, in separate directions, each teen was told the same thing. "It would be best if you forgot all about meeting him, or even this place."

"Gladly. If that version of Ryoga was telling the truth, then my counterpart's life must suck. I pity him- er, me? Ah, whatever." Ranma said.

"Don't worry about that. I want this place to just turn out to be all a bad dream." Ryoga said, shuddering. Him, with Nabiki? Akane, with **Taro**? Ranma not engaged to a horde of girls and attracting regular beatings for his philandering ways? That was just plain wrong!

_So, how was this one? The base concept of this has been running around in my head in a variety of formats now, including one where "Alt-Ranma" finds himself stranded in "Canon-Ranma's" world and tries to persuade Ryoga to help him get home after realizing he's taken the place of his counterpart, but this was the one I eventually went for. Now, here's a request; in my browsing of various other branches of this site, primarily the "Avatar: The Last Airbender" section, I've noticed a style of drabble called, I believe, "20 sentences". I want to try my hand at doing such a thing for Ranma ½, particularly for the other girls after Ranma's heart. Thing is, I'm not very good at coming up with "bases"- that is, the word used to inspire a particular sentence. So, I'd like all people who are interested to give me whatever words they think I can use as a base, and I'll see what I can do about creating a 20 sentences drabble from them. If you've a particular girl you'd like me to use (remember, any girl except Akane is fine with me, but I'm not really a crossover writer), then make sure and mention her in your review or PM or whatever. Thanks all, and good day._


	11. Crimson Clouds and Blue Thunder

**Glimpses of Strangeness**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form._

**Author's Notes:** Akane and Kuno is, somewhat understandable, considered one of the least probable couplings in canon. However, while Kuno has his faults, he also does have many good qualities – I can admit that even if I don't particularly like him as a person. It's just that normally he's so egotistical, or otherwise overplays himself to become annoying, that it's easy to overlook that fact. And seeing as how some even less-canonically plausible pairings are widely spread here, I figured I'd try my hand at seeing if it would be at all believable for Kuno and Akane to get together. Did I succeed? That's up to you to decide.

Crimson Clouds and Blue Thunder

Tatewaki Kuno could not believe his luck; barely more than a month ago, the situation that he would actually be in one of his favorite restaurants with the company of the girl he adored, the beautiful, vivacious Miss Akane Tendo, would have only been present in his dreams. It was, perhaps, fortunate that he had matured surprisingly since that last point in time, or dream this would remain.

Akane fidgeted nervously with her food; she wasn't used to being in a place so… upper class… as this. Evidently sensing her distress, her dinner partner smiled at her reassuringly, though despite herself she just couldn't feel calm. Perhaps it was that lack of ease that made Tatewaki speak.

"As enchanted as I am by your company this evening, Miss Tendo, I must inquire as to your purpose." The heir to the Kuno family stated softly, slipping into the formal speech as though it were the linguistic equivalent of a comfortable set of shoes.

"Whatever do you mean?" Akane asked in response.

"Do not mistake my meaning, I am eternally grateful to you for you sympathies when my beloved sister took ill. In truth, I do not know how I would have coped were it not for your kindness and succor. But the events of the past weeks have forced me to grow past my former blindness, as it were, and I must admit that I am puzzled by your deigning to aid me so. I am aware that I am not your most favored of associates." Tatewaki explained softly.

Akane mouthed an exclamation of surprise, and blushed softly. How was she to respond to that? Should she tell him the truth? Could she, even? Finally, she insisted she would; she owed it to him after all that had happened. "That's… not entirely correct." She began slowly.

Tatewaki Kuno quirked an eyebrow quizzically, but said nothing.

Akane took a deep breath and continued. "The truth is, I actually had something of a crush on you, when I first started going to school. You were a year older than I, and strong and handsome too. It was actually rather flattering."

Now Tatewaki allowed himself to look puzzled. "But why did you act that way?"

"To begin with, I was… shy. Uncertain. I already kind of had a crush on somebody else, so I wasn't sure. I was also somewhat intimidated by the idea. And then there was that speech you made." She said, looking dark and making Tatewaki feel somewhat embarrassed. "At first, I couldn't believe you would say something so… so ridiculous! And when they kept on challenging me, and you kept on showing up right after they were all done, I started getting angry. I hated having to go through with that – do you have any idea how scared I could get sometimes? All those horny losers trying to knock me out? I was afraid of what might happen if I did lose! And I was so angry with you; for starting it all, for that stuck up way that you kept acting as though you just knew I was yours and this was some sort of game…"

Now Tatewaki was looking really embarrassed. "I… know that my actions were inexcusable, Akane Tendo, but I really did have your best intentions at heart."

"Really?" Akane asked, her mannerisms and tone making it quite clear that she was kin to Nabiki Tendo.

Suppressing a shiver at the resemblance, Tatewaki went on. "I had no idea at the time that those other boors would be so persistent; I merely believed that if you proved your superiority to them, they would realize their innate lack of worthiness to pursue you and would never dare to question my own courtship of you. That and I also believed it would help you."

"Help me." Akane stated flatly. So lifeless was her response it couldn't even be called a query; it was just a statement of fact.

Tatewaki couldn't look her in the eye as he explained. "I knew that you were a strong martial artist, but also that you wanted to grow stronger. I thought that allowing such a tournament to become a regular event would enable you to become more skilled, that the constant pushing of your limits would help you attain the higher mastery that you sought."

At that, Akane fell back in her chair. As infuriating as she had found the whole mess, she had to admit that the constant battles had helped her get stronger. In fact, if she thought about it, she would hate to think how much worse she might have fared around Ranma or any of the lunatics who followed him if she hadn't been forced to undergo that "training". Somewhat sheepishly, she decided to steer the topic towards its end. "I see. Anyway, the ultimate reasons I pushed you back were twofold. Your arrogance, and Ranma."

"…Speaking of Saotome, why is he no longer an obstacle?" Tatewaki asked, struggling to conceal his natural jealousy of Ranma.

"…I guess, in the end, I realized you had many of his good qualities and few of his faults." Akane finally decided. At Tatewaki's expression, she elaborated. "You're both good looking, confidant, skilled martial artist. You'd both sacrifice for the person you loved, and refused to give up. The thing is, Ranma is… Ranma is insecure. He's secretive, shy, closed up. We talked often enough, but he never really opened up to me. He sometimes made gestures that he might care for me, but he always backed off and denied it if I tried to press things. You, though, you're different. You're like an open book – straightforward, blatant about your feelings. I never have to wonder about what you're thinking or feeling, and I guess that's why I like you more than I like him."

She blushed at that, and Tatewaki smiled. "Of course, I first needed to get my head out of my posterior before I could be approachable." He joked, eyes twinkling as Akane giggled softly, her smile making her face light up. Gently picking up the almost obligatory glass of sake, he tilted it slightly towards his dinner date. "To us?" He suggested.

She picked hers up and clinked it musically against his. "To us." She agreed.


End file.
